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2 Bumps

When it affects every aspect of your life...

-I don't like going anywhere with my husband because my husband is gets angry at the kids, raises his voice in public, grabs and shakes them sometimes.
-I don't like committing to plans because I don't know if my husband will be reliable enough to take care of our kids (he always comes up with an excuse like "oh I have homework"..."guess I won't get that homework done")
-People we know avoid us or don't stick around to talk (look "negative" and "egotistical" up in the dictionary and his picture is there.)
-I don't want to have my parents visit or go visit them because I know he will act dramatic about everything, negative about everything, and I don't want them to have to endure that either.

What's worse, is if I try to address his childish/negative behavior he throws things out there like:
"the kids don't want to be around me, and you don't want to be around me, so why am I here"
"I'm just not going to talk"
"I am just an *sshole"

Is anyone's husband like this? Or is it just mine?....I feel like my life is being sucked away.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Sep. 27, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like a man child who has made manipulation an art form. He probably needs a good deal of counseling to learn how to stop the behavior because I suspect he's been doing it a long time. Whether you want to be by his side for that is something only you know
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 5:52 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • What would he say if you agreed that he was being an ass hole? I find that incredibly manipulating for him to say that. I would tell him that he makes communicating difficult because of this attitude and that it makes you feel isolated from friends and family. You will need to take a stand for anything to change. Otherwise he will just keep guilting you into submission. If it were me, I would want couples counseling to learn how to stop our behaviors from hurting each other and how to communicate our feelings while also taking responsibility for how we make the other one feel. But that's just me.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 5:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Does he hit them behind closed doors? There is a huge differnce between "grabbing" a child, as in taking them by the arm and marching them out, and shaking them, the way YOU describe it is very dramatic, and to the point of ME asking myself, Why would a woman allow her children to be treated that way?
    If you are in this kind of relationship and he refuses to go see someone to talk about his behavior, I would suggest you formulate a plan to get away from him, you are hiding and protecting someone who doesn't deserve to raise children, for goodness sakes how do you have sex with the man? My DH ever shook one of my kids, and that would be all I needed to lawyer up, if I am imagining the "shaking" to be what you describe. Call your mother, tell her what has been going on, and as far as his "homework" are you in high school, college? NO MORE BABIES no matter what.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 6:09 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • I think it's time to re-evaluate your marriage.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 6:57 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • My boyfriend can bet that way, and my ex could as wel, but thankfully neither one of thm made a constant habit of it. The part that would really piss me off, and does, is the last thing you said about him whining when you try to address it. The "I'm a worthless ass" stuff dries me bat shit crazy. It's manipulation, plain and simple, because your husband wants you to end up comforting him and reassuring him instead of calling him out on his behavior. I've told my boyfriend straight up when he starts that crap that I'm not going to get thrown off of what I had to say so I can stop and tell him it's okay to act in a way I'm not okay with at all.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:59 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • if he says but does not take steps then he is not planning to
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 7:24 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • Nope not mine but it seems to me he sort of has a point.

    I mean I "get" why you dont want to be around him in public, or force others to endure him but is there a reason to his stress or has he ALWAYS been this way?

    I wonder the same thing though if everything in your life is suffereing from his behavior, why is he still there?
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 5:50 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • maybe some counseling to help him realize he needs to work on some things- and HOW to do it
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:01 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • we have been to counseling. he's even agreed to anger management and I have yet to see him move on that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:04 PM on Sep. 27, 2013

  • You need a counselor or a divorce attorney
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:42 PM on Sep. 27, 2013