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Which view would you take?

My stepson got marked absent from a class yesterday--he's a senior in high school--because he got mad an stormed out. He said he walked around awhile and cooled off, then went back to class, but his unexcused absence remained unchanged. Fair enough. I have no problem with that.

He has anger issues. He is seeing a counselor on an ongoing basis.

My boyfriend's view is that his son did what the counselor had been suggesting. He didn't blow up at the teacher, he didn't cuss, he didn't make a scene. He walked away till he simmered down, then returned. I can see the truth in that. I wish the counselor could somehow set it up so the teachers understood the strategy and were a little more accepting of it.

On the other hand, my stepson wants to get a job at Wal-Mart, and you all know as well as I do that if he gets mad and storms off while at work, he might as well not go back. Job over. I think it would be worth his dad at least talking to him about that.

Any ideas?


Asked by Ballad at 6:10 PM on Sep. 28, 2013 in Special Needs

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Get him on a 504 plan ASAP! Yes, it's his senior year, but to have it in place would be a very good thing. I've talked to my son's counselor at school about one. We're going to put one in place for him as soon as the counselor is done with some new training in regards to 504 plans.

    Once you get one in place for your step son, the teachers and school will be required to follow. The plan can be something as simple as: When "Johnny" starts to feel angry he is to be allowed to go to "Insert a teacher/place here" to cool off. Once he's regained control of his anger he will return to class.

    I HATE using a disability as an excuse, but it can also be helpful is situations like at Walmart. If he has on there that he has a disability, (hopefully the bosses won't be quite as tough on him, or come up with some kind of accommodation for when he's feeling overwhelmed. I'm probably the last one that should mention looking into ADA for him.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:17 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • I think you're absolutely correct. How long have these anger issues been going on? Because leaving the room is a strategy used with much younger kids. By this age I'd hope he had other strategies. Yes, the teachers need ot be brought on board; if he has an IEP this should be part of it. But as you point out, he won't be allowed to walk off the job so he needs to learn to cope in situ.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:17 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • He needs to learn about time and place. It sounds like he also needs to learn about other coping methods besides actually walking away. Leaving the situation is fine - when it's acceptable, like a fight with the girlfriend or the family he's living with.

    It sounds like he maybe needs to learn about biting his tongue and saying, "I'm too frustrated to deal with this right now. Can we come back to it later?"

    Also, there's a big difference between walking away and storming out - and maybe that's a key thing that needs to be pointed out to him. He can ask to walk away from a heated situation, even if it's at work, but storming out is usually frowned up no matter what the situation.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:19 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • It sounds like you are on the right track at school.

    As far as a job goes, honestly, I'm not sure you'll like my opinion, but here it is - yes, have his dad and counselor talk to him about how his anger has to be handled in a workplace environment. But be prepared for him to lose a job or two (or three) before he really understands what they were talking about.

    Answer by May-20 at 6:59 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • His BIP should, if it doesn't already, have an assigned area for him to go to to 'escape' with no repercussions. Like my DS is allowed to leave his class at any time as long as he announces that he is going Ms XXX room and goes directly there. He is allowed to remain in her room for 5 minutes with out any repercussions. For each additional 5 minutes he owes her Some work. Granted he is only 9. We are working on him appropriately leaving a room and calming himself quickly. This is all spelled out in his BIP as well as a few other things. Such as how the school will handle his outburst. Saved his butt at the end of last year...

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:03 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • Does he not have a behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP) worked into his IEP?

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:05 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • An IEP and a 504 are totally different. I've done some research and talked to the school counselor. A 504 plan is a lot more specific than an IEP.

    Example for someone who is dyslexic: IEP would give said student extra classes and support to cope with and overcome the dyslexia. A 504 plan would give the teacher specific instructions for when that student takes tests. Maybe take it orally instead of written or given extra time to take the test in another room in the building.

    Those kinds of things. I could also be way off base, but that's what I've gathered reading about them.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:07 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • Do the teachers know he is on an IEP? I found with my son, unless I told the teachers my son had Asperger's, they had no idea. The SpEd at my son's high school was terrible.

    Answer by musicmaker at 7:42 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • He's had an IEP for years. Actually, his dad has a meeting with the school people about the IEP on Tuesday, so maybe I'll advise him to discuss this with them. He has had the anger issues for a very long time, but the therapist he had before this one couldn't do anything with him. This man seems to connect with him a lot more, and while I agree that what he did was at least marginally better than confronting the teacher in a belligerent way, there's a lot of room for improvement.

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 6:45 PM on Sep. 28, 2013

  • ntervention Plan (BIP) worked into his IEP?

    I know he did at one point, but I'm not sure what has been updated and what hasn't. As the non-parent, I'm not welcome to attend the meetings. I wish I were, since I've been around the block with those and know how to deal with the different professionals, but it is what It is.

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 7:33 PM on Sep. 28, 2013