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Bf wants different then I do.

My bf and I have been together a yr. I am ready to get engaged he is no where near ready. I told him I am not going to wait much longer 8-9 months longer I will wait and he says he still won't be ready should I just cut my losses and leave him and find someone who wants the same as I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Sep. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (27)
  • Rather than giving him an ultimatum, why not discuss this with him and come to a compromise that you are both comfortable with.

    PS - If you're ready to throw him away for a detail like this then he wasn't the right on for you ...
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 9:10 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • goldpandora- I love him but I have dreams that are more important. He doesn't ever want to get married or if he does it won't be for 6 or 7 years. That I am not willing to do. Getting married and being a family is a priority of mine.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:13 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • Well then you answered your own question
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 9:23 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • How old are you both?
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 9:25 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • Also, what does he say when you ask him why he doesn't want to get married?
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 9:26 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • I will be 26 in february and he is 33 almost 34.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:28 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • Damn, just a year? Life doesn't happen on a schedule. If you want something he doesn't then that makes a difference. If he says he doesn't know if he will ever be ready to get married then I think it would be wise to leave. But if he just needs more time, sometimes that's what it takes.


    Honestly, I can't imagine giving someone an ultimatum on a lifetime commitment. I wouldn't appreciate someone doing that to me and ultimatums usually have the opposite of the desired effect.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:29 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • QuinnMae-thats why I said 8 to 9 months more because by then we will be together 2 yrs. Personally I think if your with someone for two years you should know if you want to marry them. He's telling me he wants to wait 6 or 7 years on top of the 2 we are together so thats a little bit excessive.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • He doesn't ever want to get married or if he does it won't be for 6 or 7 years. That I am not willing to do. Getting married and being a family is a priority of mine.

    Then what difference will another 8-9 months make? You want different things, so why waste more time with him? there's a difference between not wanting to do something and not being ready to do it. If he's just not ready, then you have to decide if you love him and are willing to wait or if you love the idea of being married and will take anyone who's also ready to get married. If he doesn't want to get married, then it's a waste of time to stay with him any longer.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:37 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • He says he wants to get married someday but I do think being with someone 9 years before getting married is excessive. I want to find someone that wants to get engaged after a couple years then get married a couple of years after that. I could see if he said he would be ready in a couple more years but he is saying 9 years he wants to be with someone before marriage that is way to long for me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:41 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

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