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2 Bumps

She meant well...(a vent, because I can't say a damn thing)

DD went North to a funeral with Mom.
After the funeral, because they were in the area, Mom asked DD if DD wanted to stop and see BioDad.
So they did.
Mom knows there is a CO in place that the kids cannot see BD in the North until a stipulation is fulfilled.
The man has refused for apr 12 years to have the stipulation fulfilled. He's also not talked to the kids or Mom for about that long.

I don't get why in the hell either one of them want this douche's approval/ affection. Completely besides the point, but still.

I know Mom was trying to be nice, meant well etc. and I can't say anything but still WTF! woman!?

What About You?
Anyone do something they thought was nice but left you wondering if they had lost their ever loving mind?

Mom is legally former MIL (Mom of BioDad) but has adopted me as her daughter and ALL of my kids are HER grandchildren :)


Asked by feralxat at 10:27 AM on Sep. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (195,152 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yeah, I have some family that recently pulled a total douche on another family member. She's going through PPD (serious) and has other medical issues and her family thought they would 'tough love' it out of her. Thankfully she has a clear enough head to seek out the help she so badly needed, but with no help from her family unit. I'm not close to where they are (geographically), so all I can do is support her from afar.

    Maybe ex-MIL thought that he would pull his head out of his ass when he saw how much he had missed and how much there is to lose. I hope your DD isn't hurting emotionally from this though.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:32 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • you are a better person than I am because if ANYONE took LO to see her bio dad without my permission I would def say something, maybe even smack some sense into them!

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 10:37 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • I'm sorry. It's really hard to sit back and watch someone get hurt, especially when it's your own child. As for the adult in the situation--it's really too bad she chose not to use adult judgment.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:42 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • She did a bad thing, but like all mothers she probably thinks if "you love them enough they will change." I would say that it most likely isn't going to happen again, unless you have a bunch of relatives on the cusp of dying.
    So sorry!

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:51 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • My sister keeps bugging me about encouraging (forcing) my daughter to have a relationship with her dad. She just finds it wrong that they have had no contact in 13 years. " A daughter, father relationship is special, she is missing out" . Like your ex, my kid's dad never contacts them on his own, doesn't call, write letters, send email, or cards, doesn't send presents, or pay his court ordered child support. Some people just don't understand.

    Answer by musicmaker at 11:21 PM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • I went 11 years without hearing from my biodad. Once I did make the effort to have a relationship with him (I'm totally a people-pleaser and do not take rejection lightly) I realized how lousy he made me feel, and I was able to form my own opinion about him and decide whether or not I really wanted to make an effort to have him in my life.

    There are no, "Happy Father's Day!" or anything, but the door is open for him to make some effort too.

    Your DD will need to figure this one out on her own. If it takes her trying and trying, and even getting hurt, it will teach her invaluable skills in how to deal with people, situations, and rejection, disappointment. Who knows? He could do a flip! Y'never know. But this is a personal battle she's going to have to learn to fight for herself. My mom was careful never to push me in any direction re: my biodad, but always truthfully answered my questions about him. Just be there for her.

    Answer by matobe at 11:34 PM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • support her in whichever direction she decides to go. And if she crumples in disappointment, pick her up, and help her grow to move on. It's the best thing you can do for her.

    Answer by matobe at 11:34 PM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • It's an on going thing.
    DD and DS have been trying, for the past year, to get his attention. He came down here recently and they had lunch.
    The kids have to contact him, he says he'll be in touch and then, true to form, there's no contact until the kids initiate it.

    DD, an otherwise normal person, has to have everyone like her. Why she is insisting this person like her is beyond me. When I try and talk to her she says, "I have no reason to be upset with him and it's a waste of energy".

    How about the fact he wants nothing to do with you?!
    But again, something I can't say. So I just mentally bang my head against the wall :(

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 10:40 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • oh luv- Mom told me he hugged her. a glad to see you/ i missed you kind of hug.
    what do you say to that?
    it's her son and she just wants a relationship

    even though, like the kids, the asshat wants nothing to do with her either

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 10:42 AM on Sep. 30, 2013

  • You're correct 2kids.
    That's why DD went to the funeral. The last relative of Mom's Mom's generation.
    Unless Mom's siblings start passing DD won't have a reason to go North again.

    Comment by feralxat (original poster) at 1:11 PM on Sep. 30, 2013