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What is your consequences for you child lying?

My 8 year old and 5 year old has picked it up they will lie to me just to try getting out of something. I ground them or take something away but it isn't working

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Oct. 1, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Ask are you fibbing? It depends on the magnitude of the lie, it could be a time out, or for more serious things, no xyz for a few days.
    It just takes time, and you to stick to your guns for them to figure it out.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:41 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • Ok thanks. It's more my 5 year old she will lie to you when you seen her and she knows you have seen her

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:44 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • I am going to tell you what worked for me. My oldest son had this thing at school where they had levels depending on how good they were each day. It was set up as a stop light. Green for good, yellow for warning,red for trouble. He was usually on yellow and we would ask everyday what color he was on for the day. So for about two weeks he said he stayed on green all day that he had been very good and done what he was supposed to all day. He got treats when he got home for good behavior in school. Turns out that he was lying about it. When I found out I asked him what is the one thing you hate doing the most. He said cleaning. Great! He had to clean for one hour for each day he lied about his color. It added up to 11 days. So for the next week he did 11 hours of cleaning. I made it miserable for him, so he wouldn't want to repeat it. I stood over him the whole time making sure he did it too.

    He hasn't lied since.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:49 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • Very normal for this age, one of mine used to swear they climbed out of the window and went trick or treating every night.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:49 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • Well the five year old lying I think is more of a developmental thing. She has figured out she can lie and now she is going to test you to see if you will fall for it. I wouldn't give a five year old such a hard time about lying. The eight year old... I would though. She is totally old enough to understand the consequences fo lying.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:51 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • Lying is normal and part of growing up. each age lies for different reasons.   that will help you understand why and what to do about it


    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:53 AM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • Charlot's link really did help when I was struggling with my five-year-old about this earlier in the summer. A lot of times now, she'll start in on something, and I'll just ask her, "Is this the truth, or are you making up a story?" She has a chance to stop and think, and nine times out of ten, she'll say it's a story or revise what she's telling me. In fact, she asked me the other day, "How come if you write things that aren't true in books, they're stories, but if you tell them to your mom, they're lies?"

    Answer by Ballad at 12:05 PM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • For me, the consequence depends on the lie. There's a huge difference between "I didn't take the Snickers bar" and "I didn't run my brother over with the car." The punishment for running over his brother would be far more harsh than for scarfing a candy bar that didn't belong to him. And while I agree lying is a normal thing that all kids do at some point, I don't think the fact that it's normal means it should be ignored. I usually ask them if they're lying, or if I already have the proof, I simply tell them they have one chance to be honest and if they choose not to be, they will be punished.

    The punishment itself varies depending on the lie: it could be a quick time out, it could be the loss of a specific (preferably related) privilege, or it could be a total grounding for X amount of time.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:10 PM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • I've tried to recognize why it is happening & my primary response has been to address the cause. Many times a child is lying because this is what she thinks she has to do to stay out of trouble, to avoid making you mad (or disappointing you), out of fear.
    Give some thought to what you really want, bottom line. What do you want from your kids, when it comes to honest disclosures? Create the conditions that encourage that bottom line.
    Increasing safety in our home really helped to address the issue. At this point my children tell me things even when I am unlikely to find out or discover the situation, and even when they know I very likely won't be pleased. They confide because they have confidence in me.
    Lying is a very triggering behavior for parents & it can be really upsetting. Try to respond mindfully in a way that helps what's already happened.

    Try not to "set them up" by asking q's whose answers you know already.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:10 PM on Oct. 1, 2013

  • My fingers got ahead of my mind. The third sentence I typed should say, "The punishment for lying about running over his brothre would be far more harsh than for lying about scarfing a candy bar that didn't belong to him."

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:12 PM on Oct. 1, 2013

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