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Why do i get like this?

i have problems with confidence and self esteem. im a divorced mother of two and lately ive been talking to someone new. it's only been going on for about 4 days, nothing serious. well we've been texting back and forth all day and he said he was going to text me last night but never did, and i haven't heard from him today yet either. immediately i begin to think the worst....he's not into me anymore, he doesn't like me anymore, etc. i know it's ridiculous. and i haven't contacted him yet because i don't want to seem clingy. we've had some really great conversations so it's not like a few hours of not talking to one another means he's done but that's what i start thinking. i thought after all this time i've been divorced that i've learned to be self reliant for happiness and not depend so much on another man to make me happy, but i guess not :( i hate that i assume the worst so quickly. can anyone else relate and how do you deal with it?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Oct. 3, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Perhaps it's too early for you to get involved with someone else. That seems too needy and that is a turn off. Learn to love yourself before opening yourself up to others.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:23 AM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • Maybe you have problems with trust, which could make sense, depending on why your marriage ended and how hard the break-up was. Smothering a relationship is the quickest way to kill it, so just try to think that maybe he had a busy morning or forgot his phone in the pocket of the pants he wore yesterday, and see what happens as the day goes on.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:24 AM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • You need to be careful of the kind of man who wants to chat all day, and then becomes unavailable.
    I would wait a week, and then send him a text saying hope you are well, and leave it at that. You never know, he could have lost his phone, he could be married.
    Just take a deep breath and relax, you might want to speak to someone about your feelings, I think it is normal to feel excited and things with a new relationship, but talking to someone about how you are feeling never hurt anyone.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:28 AM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • counseling?
    It's silly when adults do the oh no he doesnt want me because he didnt text me. he could have fallen asleep, had to run out etc? You are not dating, you are talking. he is not required to talk to you everyday. he may feel your neediness and scared to call or text you.

    Until you can get a grip on that you may need to stay out of the whole relationship scene for a while. Let it go, if he calls or texts awesome if he doesnt no love lost, move on.

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 11:35 AM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • We all want to be wanted and loved. However, until we are content and secure with who we are and our lives, we will not be healthy in a relationship.

    My suggestion is to get busy living your own life. Stir up who you are- what are your passions, hobbies and dreams. Keep taking small steps towards those things. Step outside of your comfort zone- challenge yourself and find your strength. Miracles will happen along the way ! Your mind determines your emotions- become aware of your thoughts and control them :-) GL

    Answer by LeJane at 11:53 AM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • So you have only been texting? And you are getting that way? Yea, I don't think you are ready for a relationship yet.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:01 PM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • He could be busy or not interested. It was only 4 days of conversation. If he does not contact you in a week, be happy you did not go any further than talking.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:49 PM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • Silly.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:08 PM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • you just need to learn to stop worrying so much. just because he didnt text you doesnt mean he isnt thinking about you. honestly every time your thinking of your mom or kids do you text or call them? doubt it. just text him today and to break the ice just tell him something funny that happened to you today. like "i went to the grocery store today for milk but by the time i got out of there i realized i had completely forgot the milk! lol" dont even mention the fact that you were wondering why he didnt text you cuz that WILL seem needy. but if u just open a casual conversation with him then u wont seem needy.

    Answer by Tawney_Rae at 4:46 PM on Oct. 3, 2013

  • I don't think growth or maturity is linear. It's not a straightforward progression from one point or level onward...not to mention the fact that we can be stronger or more developed/independent in some areas and more insecure in others (we are not at one consistent level throughout our persons.) But in addition to having various facets that can be at differing levels, there's the issue that growth/maturing follows more of a spiral or elliptical pattern than a linear progress. We can travel the same "terrain" & even learn "the same lessons" at a different LEVEL. And in addition to that, it's true that the more honest & open we are about & with ourselves (i.e., more mature!), the less defended we are, and the less of a "false self" we present. You may experience "weakness" or "dependency" or "insecurity" as part of a stronger self who is HONEST about feelings!
    How you feel (needy) is distinct from who you are & what you do, too.

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:13 PM on Oct. 3, 2013

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