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I'm trying to find the best way to explain to my two boys that when I was younger I place my son up for adoption. It is an open adoption so I still keep in contact with the family. He is now 12 years old and my two boys are 7 and 5. I don't want to feel that I'm hiding him from them. Can anyone please give me any advise on how to tell them or any books out there that would help me out?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (6)
  • Children actually take these things in stride usually. Sure they will have questions but you can answer them very simply at this point. When I began to talk to my other kids about their sister who was adopted I just generally told them "You have another sister. When she was born she went to live with a new family. That is where is she is now." When they asked why I said something along the lines of "When she was born I was having a very hard time in my life. It was better for her to have a new family. I still love her very much & she knows she is adopted. Someday I hope we will see her again" My other kids have just always grew up knowing about it. My 14 yr old said a few months ago that there was never a time when he didnt remember knowing about her. As odd as it seems, my kids just talk about it naturally "We have another sister. She was adopted" its just normal.

    Answer by lisa89j at 1:43 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I would just talk to them about it at their level. Let them know the name of their brother..
    My dd was adopted at birth, we talk about her journey to me. She does not understand it yet, but when the day comes and she asks me questions she will always remember that we always talked about it..
    Just let them in slowly and honestly.
    If it is an open adoption, do you have pictures of your child that you can show your boys?

    Answer by Dannee at 1:14 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Honesty and openness will be your best bet. Maybe there are some age appropriate books out there that might help them understand too. Tapestry books offer some great adoption related stuff.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Just be honest & clear. Children don't have to filter through past experience like adults do to have an oppinion. Short, simple answers, no real need for details, you'll be surprised how satisfied they are with those answers.

    Answer by danielle808 at 4:13 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I am not sure. My daughters met only a few days after my second was born (at the afamilys request). They have known eachother even before my second was born. Good luck. Honesty is always the best policy, then you do not have to feel you were hiding anything from anyone, as you may feel now.

    Answer by IZs_mommy at 5:21 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • My youngest was speaking with me just yesterday about this (he's now 14). He was commenting on how from his perspective there hasn't been a time that his older sister (now 18 who I relinquished at birth) hadn't been in his life. Our adoption opened up fully when my daughter was 7 and the boys were 4 & 3 years old. I think that even though your little ones are a bit older you will be pleasently surprised at how pure and simply they will accept this reality. Children aren't burdened by "what was behind the decision", to them they are learning that they have another brother and in this age of families separated by divorce and extended by remarriage it really isn't that out of the norm to have a 1/2 sibling not living with you - or step sibling living with you. Good luck!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:28 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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