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My son is 32 and just got married, during the planning and the wedding we were ignored, at the rehersal my son told me if you start dont come. Im hurt what should I do. hat sho

over the year of prep and planning I offered my help numerous times but i was told no and snapped at, we gave money towards the wedding I asked for some family to be invited and they want us to pay for them on top of the money we gave. we were ignored at the wedding the bride did not talk to us at all. She went to everyone to have pictures everyone but us. At the rehersal I was asking a question about the seating plan and my son said never mind if you dont like it dont come. These word haunt me Im so hurt, I have done so much for both of them. Should I address this or let it go,

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Lisa493

Asked by Lisa493 at 7:39 AM on Oct. 5, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Do you have a bad history with your son? Or is this all the DIL? I guess it would' hurt to ask, if you truly do not know why he is acting like this. But if you already know why they are acting like this. Leave it alone and don't push. In the future do not help them financially . It does not sound like they. Appreciate it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:45 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • I also would like to mention when his wife said her speech she said our family were loud and obnoxious but do have large hearts.
    Lisa493

    Comment by Lisa493 (original poster) at 7:52 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • I never had a bad relationship with him, we were always close and even with his wife, this just started in the past 6 months, He has two children from a previous relationship and we are always watching and helping with the children. Not sure were this has come from
    Lisa493

    Comment by Lisa493 (original poster) at 7:56 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • Just ask then. Tell him to explain where this shunning came from.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:00 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • I was extra-testy with my dad the day of my own wedding. I did not exclude my parents or anything like that, but he was starting to get "jokey" at breakfast at the B&B and I was just not having it, basically told him not to start. It was (I'm sure) embarrassing & annoying to him, but he took it in stride & didn't push.
    I think existing old issues between kids & parents, ways that parents' behaviors or tendencies push their kids' buttons & trigger uncomfortable feelings get heightened MANYfold at intense emotional milestones like weddings, births....
    It's whatever things trigger reactions of "my parents are SOOOOO infuriating..." or "my head just wants to EXPLODE when she starts in with..." Normally the stuff flies under the radar or isn't AS upsetting, but add the stress of a big event/transition AND any related history (times they got frustrated or offended by you during the planning part but didn't address it) & it blows up.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:25 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • there is so much info missing from this post
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:29 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • As far as addressing it or letting it go, well I would deal with the feelings for sure but that doesn't necessarily mean "addressing it" WITH them. It can essentially look like "letting it go," but you have processed your feelings & aren't holding on to resentment or hurt about it.

    I probably would express something, and would make it not about them "fixing" things for me, but letting them know that I want them to let me know if/when they are upset. You know?

    I would repeat that any time I suspected that they were feeling some resentment they weren't expressing directly (and rather, ended up implying hostility or frustration or annoyance, which is what happened around the wedding issue.)

    My thought would be to respond to those "signals" by acknowledging them & assuming that they indicate the kid is carrying resentment, and opening up that communication. You have to be ready to HEAR from them, not quick to defend yourself!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:31 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • I agree with feral.

    Perhaps counseling formyounto learn how to temper your expectation of what the relationships are supposed to be would help. He now has a family of his own and his first responsibility is to his wife.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:35 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • there is so much info missing from this post

     


    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat 16 minutes ago


     


    agree, i feel loke i just read a 300 page book, but with 290 pages missing



    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:46 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

  • There are two sides to every wedding story...
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:03 AM on Oct. 5, 2013

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