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Iv seen a few things ,that i definatly will try out ,but if there's anyone out there that really really know an effective way of breaking this attitude I'd really really appreciate it

My daughter is 12 she's a very bright smart intelligent girl and I. Love her so much but when her mouth opens and eyes start Rollin with so much disrespect I just don't know wat to do I'm at my wits end idk and she won't even b mad shell be talkin to someone else and if I happen to glance over at her shell look and roll her eyes at me and then her mouth opens "what" she tells me staring me down as if she standing there thinking of what other smart mouth thing to say ...that's where I want to come unglued her attitude make everyone miserable

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Oct. 7, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (11)
  • My kids aren't that age yet, but I want to wish you much patience getting through the next several years. I hope you get some good suggestions, because I will be needing them in the near future.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:46 AM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • Thank you ..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:50 AM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • Well, that's pretty typical. This was my rule "Say something on Mom's Dirty Word List...Scrub Something Dirty". Being mouthy or disrespectful verbally was on my Dirty Word List. For the boys it was also calling each other names, saying " I hate you". Basically anything mean, rude or disrespectful was part of the Dirty Word List.

    Having a dirty mouth meant scrubbing something appropriately dirty. The toilet, a shower, the floor....you name it. I figured I'd either have a very clean house, or very well mannered children...the truth was somewhere in the middle.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:57 AM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • I cut off social networking and electronics. No socializing of any sort.
    Had to do this to my teen for a month over the summer because one or two days wasn't cutting it.
    The change in her has been incredible.
    So much so that she has scolded her friends when they are little assholes because she doesn't want to get blamed.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:26 AM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • Some of this may be to get your attention, in which case, ignoring the attitude as if you don't hear or see it at all might work. With my stepson, I just said, "Would you like to think a minute and try that again?" A lot of times he would rephrase what he had said without the mouthiness because he knew the next step was that whatever he asked for, either at the moment or later on, wouldn't happen if he couldn't treat me respectfully. "Sorry, I don't have the energy to take you to the poolright now. I wasted it getting over my exasperation when you got snippy with me earlier. Maybe tomorrow."
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:45 AM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • Pick your battles.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:07 PM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • Welcome to teenager-y.
    Lots of eye-rolling and door slamming.
    I agree with Dard- Pick your battles.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:09 PM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • It wouldn't hurt to have her donate some time to a good cause, most of this is caused by self centeredness, normal, but if it is excessive you might have her volunteer at an animal shelter or homeless shelter a couple of days a week, a very good way to appreciate what you have.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 2:43 PM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • So if this kind of thing happens when she notices you looking at her (while she's talking to someone else), it sounds like she's self conscious. If she's sensitive to feeling criticized or judged, or otherwise feels on the spot, it could manifest in such defensive behaviors as going on the offensive like that. (Snapping "What?!")
    I think with just about any problematic behavior, you can respond in a way that (by its nature) offers guidance. I wouldn't focus on instructing or correcting her, but rather on connecting so you manage to receive the message her behavior communicates, show that it's valid to you, and thus model a way of communicating or asserting herself at those times that would not be as upsetting to you.
    If she feels scrutinized or on the spot, she may want privacy or space. If you acknowledge that by reflecting it back verbally ("translating" her communication), you're modeling how to request it less obnoxiously.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:56 PM on Oct. 7, 2013

  • I simply ignore attitude. They do it to get a rise out of you. Refuse to give it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:17 AM on Oct. 8, 2013

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