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How do you get over someone?

Why do I feel this way? Why do I love someone that treated me so bad? I was in a relationship (or so I thought) with someone for almost two years. As it turns out my entire relationship was a lie. To me I thought him and I were exclusive. To him we weren't dating at all. He told me not to date anyone else, we spent time together weekly. I was dumb because I never met his family and that should have been a huge red flag. Every time I look at our son it tears my heart out. I can't imagine telling our son when he is older that dad and mom didn't even try to work it out. I almost told him I loved him last night but backed out because he is engaged. Our son is only 6 months old and we never tried to be a family. How do I fix this? How do I get over it? What do I do? I am so lost, torn, and confused.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • You don't love HIM - you love the IDEA of him.

    I am so sorry.

    Use this time to focus on yourself, your child and your work. Heal and grow from this and you will find someone who is there just for you and your little man.

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:20 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I'm so sorry....it always hurts you have to go through it to be done with him. Focus on your little guy, he'll be a wonderful distraction.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 12:32 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • The only thing you need to fix and take care of it yourself and your son. Your son will be fine, he will grow older and be used to daddy not in the same home.
    How to get over it?? How about thinking about what you really want in a person..
    for starters honestly, devotion, compassion, loyalty, to feel respected on and on..
    Maybe you just love the habit of him. If you asked yourself right now..
    why do I still love him...would you really have any answers..
    I say this to everyone..
    trust me
    he did you a
    favor..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:35 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • U NEED TO MOVE ON AND C THAT TO GET OVER THIS AND FEEL BETTER U MUST FEEL THAT IT HAPPENED FOR A REASON. IF IT TEACHES U WHAT THE PP IS TRYING TO SAY THEN U WILL HAVE DONE THAT. U NEED TO C THAT U WENT INTO THIS TOO QUICKLY. U DIDNT KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT HIM AND U HAD A CHILD WITH A MAN U DIDNT KNOW WELL ENOUGH TO C THAT HE DIDNT PLAN TO STICK AROUND AND PARENT THE CHILD WITH U TOGETHER., AS A COUPLE. IF U WANT THAT FROM A RELATIONSHP B SURE U DO WHAT U APPARENTLY DIDNT DO HERE NEXT TIME. GET TO KNOW HIM FOR WHO HE IS. FIRST. GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST THEN FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. IT MAKES THINGS ALOT EASIER. YR SON WILL B FINE. JUST LOVE HIM AND MAKE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH HIS FATHER NOT TO FIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. U CAN DO IT IF U GROW UP AND MAKE THE EFFORT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Anon-OP here. I did not rush into this. Like I said, we dated for almost 2 years. He does parent his child. We don't fight in front of our child. This isn't a vengeful thing. We get along and that's what makes it so hard. if we couldn't stand eachother then that would be different.

    Wimsey-you are right. I love the idea of what I thought we had. I love the idea that it could really be like that. I hate that he was a fraud and that I loved something that wasn't real. I believed him when he told me we were going to end up married, etc. I am trying my best to move on but don't have closure which makes it hard
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • U WILL NEVER HV CLOSURE BECAUSE U DONT WANT TO LEARN THE LESSON. U DIDNT C HIM FOR WHAT HE TRULY WAS. U SAID SO YRSELF. HE LIED BUT U DIDNT C THAT HE WAS NOT A MAN OF INTEGRITY. HE PROMISED U MARRIAGE YET U HAD A CHILD WITH HIM FIRST WHEN U WERENT. Y DO THAT. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND Y IF U R GOING TO AND WANT TO MARRY Y HAVE THE CHILD FIRST. BC IS 99% FOOLPROOF. JUST BY YR ANSWER TO ME U DIDNT C WHAT HE WAS. YR DEFENSIVE OF WHAT U DID AND U HAVE NO DEFENSE. U DESERVE BETTER & TO GET BETTER U MUST LEARN FROM THIS TO RECOGNIZE WHAT U NEED TO KNOW SO U CAN DO YR BEST TO MAKE SURE ANOTHER UNTRUSTWORTHY MAN CAN NOT COME INTO YOUR LIFE. WASNT THAT YOUR QUESTION??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Give yourself time to grieve over the death of the relationship then it's time to move on. It's never easy when you really care about someone. I read the book How to Fall Out of Love and it helped me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:46 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • You will not get closure from a jerk - and that totally sucks.

    I wish I was your friend in R/L so I could make you laugh doing my ninja-fu skill moves as I pretend to whomp on him.

    He's a jerk and I'm sorry. Limit your conversations STRICTLY to your child and snap your wrist with a rubberband if you have to. Your son will be fine - kids adapt. If he is truly a good father, that counts for a lot.

    Drink your water, take your vitamins.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:56 PM on Feb. 19, 2009