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2 Bumps

Don't know what to do anymore...

I have been staying with family during deployment because I don't know anyone where we are stationed and I have two very small children. It's been nice staying with them.. well, was nice staying with them. Now they are getting to where they are nitpicking. If one little thing is left on the counter or one of my sons toys is left on the ground when he isn't using it all hell breaks loose. We can't do anything in the house because my mother doesn't want ANYTHING to scratch her precious wood floors. Everything has to be perfect, right? Ugh. And it is getting to the point where I can't even discipline my child if he does anything bad (like hits his 7 month old baby sister) because people may hear us and it would ruin the image of a perfect life and family that my mother wants to project. Then my dad always tells me I need more patience with my son, but then he gets extremely irritated with him. Oh and apparently according to them my voice is loud and annoying. No one takes me seriously. Like everything I do is a big joke to them. So since I am not allowed to speak above a whisper, often times I ignore things and don't talk. Well they jump down my throat for that too. And I don't dare say I am ever tired. You know, because chasing two small kids isn't a valid reason to be tired. If I do say I am tired my mom tells me I have nothing to be tired about and that all I do is sit around and vegetate. Which is not the case. She does the same thing when I get really stressed out. I'm told I have nothing to be stressed about. Not that my husband is in another country and has already come under attack once already. Noooo. I have nothing to worry or stress about. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm highly considering moving back to me and my husbands place, but I'll be completely alone with two kids. It's always been hard for me to make friends anywhere because of social anxiety. Any social situation makes me extremely uncomfortable and I just can't seem to talk to people. Another thing my mother doesn't understand. Because I can't talk to everyone like her, I'm lazy. She doesn't realize just how crippling it is. I'm terrified to talk to people and she thinks it's all in my head and i just need to get over it. IT"S NOT THAT EASY!! If this were one of my siblings, she would have them in all kinds of therapy and on all kinds of medication. I was overlooked a lot growing up because I wasn't the straight A perfect priss my sister was and I wasn't the baby like my brother. I felt the reject. First little hiccup with them they were taken to the best doctors and put in counseling. I was told to get over it. I had to try to get through things by myself cause I didn't dare ask my parents for help. And they wonder why I have problems now. I'm sick of staying here and being treated the way I am, but I am terrified of going back with no one there and not able to talk to anyone.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Oct. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Which situation is worse for you and the kids? Whichever one is WORSE, do the other.

    Answer by kmath at 9:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • I would move back to your own house. You don't need added stress right now and that is what your family is causing you. I would also look into counseling for yourself to help you copy with your social anxiety. 


    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:10 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • *cope not copy


    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:16 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • Being alone with two kids is easy compared to all of this crap! Go back home

    Answer by Nimue930 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • It sounds like being alone with the kids wouldn't be half as bad as what you have to deal with now. They may be exhausting, but they won't be vindictive and manipulative like your parents seem to be.

    Answer by Ballad at 9:25 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • ok.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:28 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • You as a military spouse have the opportunity to get far, far away from this drama. You will discover as you gain more experience in this lifestyle just how little you need extended family.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 9:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • Move back home and away from your critical parents.
    Find a chaplain on post and set up a meeting to talk about all you mentioned here.
    Keep talking to the chaplain and take the help she/he'll recommend for you.

    Your chaplain is a GREAT resource. He's the one I went to when I wasn't right in my head after the towers fell. I was stressed, depressed, and became suicidal/homicidal. My chaplain helped me out more that I realized at the time. And a CSM that I didn't know all that well at the time, but got to know better later.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:39 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • Thank you all for your advice. It's really encouraging. I think I'll start packing up our stuff tonight. Hopefully we will be out of here for good by the weekend.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

  • Good luck to you. Never underestimate what you can do onyour own.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2013

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