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High risk, when do you tell?

I have a very over weight coworker who is at high risk when pregnant. She has no children and has been trying for over ten years. She did manage to become pregnant and has a team of specialists. She told us the very day she found out. Then several days later miscarried. The chances of miscarriage are very high. When would you tell? Right away? Wait? What works best in this situation? I see how upset the coworkers are for her and know this could happen a dozen more times because of her health. It is upsetting how distraught the office is for her. I can't imagine them having to do this every time. I feel for her too. But I do know if it were me I would not continue to allow coworkers to have the ups and downs that I was experiencing.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Oct. 10, 2013 in Pregnancy

Answers (8)
  • I think they'd still be concerned for her even after knowing that she's at a high risk for miscarriages

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:01 AM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • Personally, I am in the dont tell anyone about anything until second trimester camp.
    You don't have to be high risk to recognize the stats regarding miscarriage during that time frame.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:11 AM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • I agree with feral, high risk or not, second trimester when the risk of miscarriage is lower is when I would tell.

    Answer by kmath at 10:32 AM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • I couldn't keep my mouth shut until 2nd trimester to save my life. Not with this one and not with my other 2 either.

    #1 my period was a week late, I tested and was positive
    #2 hubby told me I was pregnant 1-2 weeks before my period was due (I glowed). Waited until it was a day late, tested and was positive
    #3 little harder to get pregnant (thanx Depo), but my period was late, I tested, and told all y'all and family the same day. Tomorrow I'll be 6 weeks along.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:40 AM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • I've lost four babies to miscarriage and given birth to one healthy girl. With the first lost pregnancy, I told everybody right away because I was so excited. By the time I lost the last one, I'd quit telling anyone at all because it was too hard to un-tell people later on. People don't know how to react; they're either distraught and then you end up having to deal with their emotions as well as yours, or they're cold-hearted because they want to stay detached for their own protection. When I got pregnant and carried the baby to term, the first thing my mom said when she found out about the pregnancy was, "You lost one late in the game and hemorrhaged before, I don't know what makes you think your body will hold the pregnancy this time." It hurt incredibly to hear her say that, even if she was just expressing her fear and concern in kind of a backhanded way. I got pregnant three more times and didn't tell her once.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:15 PM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • Rose hawk, congrats. Wonderful news. Ballad, how hard. I think T's true some find they have to provide comfort to friends and family. There doesn't segment to be a right or wrong. I personally, as a coworker, would rather not know until later. Many of our coworkers bought early gifts.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:41 PM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • I told some people early, like my boyfriend and when he went into scared first time knocking somebody up mode I told my aunt and uncle so that someone could take me somewhere (I had just moved and didn't even know where to go) and had my aunt take me to get tested and came out positive with multiples. I told my mom and waited for a couple weeks to tell my dad and a couple of my 5 siblings. At 11.5-12 weeks I was taken to the hospital for chest pain (gall stones) and found out that 2/3 triplets no longer had heartbeats even though I had 0 symptoms. I then had to call everybody that knew I was pregnant and tell them to call off all of the multiple talk and festivities because I couldn't handle it, and went off on people who refused to believe it. They kept saying 'oh, if they are still there there's still hope' even though it was confirmed by everyone.I waited to tell anybody about the 3rd healthy baby until 14 weeks. Now I'm 16

    Answer by ElsaH at 7:31 PM on Oct. 10, 2013

  • I didn't tell until after the first trimester when the chances of miscarriage drop significantly.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 11:33 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

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