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Am I wrong for wanting to marry my children's father, and not give him sex if he doesn't marry me?

We've been living together 9.5 yrs. 2 children later ( 8 & 2 yrs) I'm having a change of heart, I want us to be legally married. But he says "he doesn't believe in marriage". Btw, that's a slap In the face, for us to be living like we are for all this time, and for him to basically tell me I'm not good enough hurts. But I'm trying to respect his choice. For myself I've decided not to have sex with him anymore because it confuses the situation. And I'm tired of playing house, btw I'm 29 yrs old and he's 31. We can continue to live and take care of our family but no sex. Am I wrong?

Answer Question
 
Raekwonf

Asked by Raekwonf at 3:56 AM on Oct. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think withholding sex is childish. If you and he have different goals then it's best to move on. Find someone who thinks you are good enough to marry.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:02 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • Using sex like that...is NOT healthy first of all. and it isn't right or fair

    either you want to stay with him, and it doesn't matter if you have that piece of paper or not...or you don't

    If we wouldn't have had to get married for the benifits when hubby went into the Arme- we probably wouldn't be "married" we were doing fine before that
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:51 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • I think if you know he will never marry you. Move out. Find somebody that will.

    So all of a sudden, you want to be married. After 2 kids and 9 years? You know why he wont marry you ? You already gave him everything.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:30 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • you don't get to change the rules in the middle of the game and expect everyone to be happy.
    perhaps you should examine your reasoning for the change of heart and discuss that instead of using sex as a weapon against a man who has loved you and his kids for NINE years.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 8:01 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • You've been fine with living without the marriage license for 9 years. How is it a slap in the face that he won't marry you now? You're the one trying to change the rules, not him. If he had been begging you to marry him all these years, maybe you could call it a slap... but I'm betting you knew his stance on marriage long before this.

    Guys are generally very honest on where they stand on marriage. If you want marriage and he doesn't, move on. You're not going to change his mind by playing childish games over sex. That will only bring resentment into the relationship. Besides, who wants a marriage where one person was coerced into doing it?

    If you want to work things out with him, have a deep heart to heart about why you want marriage, and find out what his reasons are without assuming it is an insult against you.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 8:02 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • *army

    *had not yet had coffee...
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:26 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • You've got it backward. You get marred first, and THEN not have sex.
    BeaverHouse

    Answer by BeaverHouse at 8:57 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • I think not sleeping with him is probably a good idea... but it must also go with not living with him any more. Get your child support ducks in a row and move on.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:35 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • How is it a slap in the face? He has been committed to you and your children for the past 9 years, that is longer than a lot of marriages last. Who cares if he doesn't want a stupid piece of paper tying you together? In his eyes, this arrangement is good enough and your love is all he needs. Grow up and if you can't accept it, move on.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 10:27 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

  • Yes. You are wrong.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:39 AM on Oct. 11, 2013

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