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I JUST WANT TO CRY!!!!!!!!! please read and if you've delt with this before, i need some advice big time.

our friend, we've been calling him and his wife brother and sister a month after we meet them, well he started choughing up blood back in march. the local er said it was just a virus and nothing to worry about. monday i took him to another city's er. now we find out he has throat cancer! tuesday my hubby took him to the same dr that saw him in the er (i stayied with his wife she has seziers (i don't know how to spell it and can't find it in the dictionary) and her dr put her on new pills.). weds hubby took him and his wife to the ssi building and welfare to get medical and the dr told him he had to quit his job. (he works at a scrap yard) thursday he had to have surgery, he had a feeding tube put in him, (i thought i was going to stay home and get some laundry done, he wanted me there! almost made me cry) he can't have anything but adult formula for right now. while his wife is tending to him 24/7, i made dinner all week, helped her do the dishes and a couple of other small things, like pick up trash that fell onto the floor, pick up laundry, that sort of thing.

here's my problem, i don't know how to really help. she's just like, she'll start crying on the spot for reason. i just want to be helpful but not sure how. she has to take pills three times a day, and she has i don't remember the name, but it's where you can't sleep, she has to be hooked up to a machine in order for her sleep.

he's going to be going to kemo soon and i'm just not sure how to help.

Answer Question

Asked by noel1978 at 4:06 AM on Oct. 12, 2013 in Health

Level 24 (20,417 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • CPAP machine for sleep apnea.

    You are helping in the little ways. Sit and talk and ask her how she is doing and she will probably say fine, Then ask how she is really doing.
    She has to be strong right now to hhelp him with this unexpected blow. She is afraid and can't let him now how much because he needs to be positive. Maybe she will talk to you.
    Meals are always a help be the little chats over a quiet coffee is even better,

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:13 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Help how you can. That is all you can do.. This cancer stuff if rough for anyone to deal with. Just be their for her.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:53 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • It is OK for her to cry. She needs to work this out in her mind. Give her alone time where she can think, offer to bring meals.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:51 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • I really can't add more to what has already been said except to be a good listener..........bless you.

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:31 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • keep doing what you are, just being there. You don't need to say anything really either, just let her cry.

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 10:08 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Just be there for her and help do the small things as much as possible. Sometimes people don't want solutions or advise, they just need to cry and try to make sense of their own feelings.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:18 AM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Just keep doing what you are doing. It might not seem like much, but believe me, it means the world to them. Just let her cry on your shoulder. That's all she wants right now, just someone to be there for her.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:10 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • And let me give you and her some hope. Back in 2005, my boss got throat cancer. He went through multiple surgeries and chemotherapy. Today, he's retired, cancer-free and running a charity that lets disabled vets ride horses for therapy.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:00 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • You are helping more than you will ever know by being a good friend, listening, and doing practical supportive things. Remember that your aim is not necessarily to make your friend stop crying or feel better. She's up against some horrible life events, and you're supporting her through them, not fixing the problems or making them go away, which you can't do and nobody expects you to do.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:37 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • you are helping, let her cry,offer hugs and give her some space if she asks. it is nothing you did or did not do

    Answer by RobinChristine at 3:48 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

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