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Does anyone have a family member that's like this?

My sister is a year and a half older than me. She's always treated me like she was better than me even today in our 40's. Every time I've asked her a simple question she snaps at me or makes me feel stupid. This past December she trashed me when I was already at my lowest. I was having severe financial problems and decided I only had enough to barely pay for the children's presents for Christmas.(my son and her two kids) I asked if it was ok if we just bought for the 3 of them and no one else. I even said don't buy me anything.

Then she went off on me. She said I was disrespecting my parents because I couldn't afford a $20 gift for each of them even though I knew I'd get something under the tree. I said why don't you respect my wishes to not get me anything and not make me feel worse than I already do. She said my guilt is my own problem. I told her my entire story and she even said she's been there but continued to make me feel horrible. I also told her I was tired of her attitude toward me, her snapping and bitchiness towards me. She said she's never done that and I was making that up because I was scared of my current situation. Granted this attitude and bitchiness has been going on since we were kids. She's very controlling and thinks she's right about everything.

I finally decided this past July, after 8 months of dealing with this, not sleeping, my health was affected etc. that I wasn't going to let her affect me anymore. I said sorry for not being there the last 6 months but you hurt me a lot. She never apologized.

Now she's getting married in California and I'm forced to go. I still can't stand her and don't want anything to do with her. She claims she wants me in her life but she makes no effort. She obviously doesn't care about how she treated me.

I've read to oust toxic people. She is one of these people. How has anyone else handled people like this? She's off living her life and has everything and I'm trying to make changes so the financial issues don't happen again. But I'm stuck having to pay for things going on this trip that I don't want to go on. She bought the tickets before I ever said I was going to go. She just assumed I was going. if I said I can't afford to go, the rest of my family with think I'm acting immature and spiteful. I'm tired of them thinking I have all this money and trips like this is no big deal. Why can't they just get it through their head that I can't do these things right now.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Oct. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I have very little to do with my family, and while the issues aren't the same, the attitudes definitely are. Honestly, if you can't afford to go, thank your sister for the tickets and see if she can use them for someone else.

    Answer by Ballad at 8:32 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • You control your life and that includes how you allow your family to treat you.
    If you allow your sister to treat you as a door mat, then she will!
    Cut off communication and focus on your happiness and quit worrying about what others think or may think.
    Not your fault your sister bought you a ticket....Is it?
    If you're unable to afford the trip, don't go!

    Answer by KTElite at 8:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • You are not being forced to do anything.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:40 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Family, I personally would never get out of my life. I might not talk to the much. But never delete them from my life. Friend are a different story.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:43 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • I do and avoid them at all costs. My sanity and well being are worth more than any "relationship" with my kin. Too much water under that bridge. We got our act together after my dad died and then went our separate ways.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 8:52 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Your sister seems very similar to my sister, only your sister is a bit more extreme. I rarely see my sister and the few times I do, after a couple days I am ready to be gone (even sooner if our mom isn't there as well). My sister is very stuck up and not very nice, and her husband is even worse. She is rude, and it has rubbed off on her son. The gifts I buy him are never good enough (even though she knows we don't have much money). She makes fun of my clothes (most from walmart, target, and the like). Is rude to my husband, she even told me I was bitch because I didn't want to hold her new baby all day and night when I had just had a miscarriage. I just bite my tongue the few times I do see her (the last time was almost 2 years ago). One good thing about both of us bein military, we live far away from each other.

    Answer by AF4life at 9:01 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Is she holding a gun to your head? Or to your childrens' heads? If not, you don't have to do a damn thing.

    Let your parents know you will not be attending the wedding. No doubt it will be no surprise to them that your sister is a10-carat bitch.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:26 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • You are and adult, you can not be forced to go to California.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:51 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • Forced to go?
    Are your children wired with bombs that will go off if you don't go to the wedding?
    Tell her to kiss your ass, and don't talk to her anymore if she's that bad.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:40 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

  • I feel I am forced to go because of my dad. He played the death card saying he won't be around much longer and he would like for us to get along. But I'm realizing if I don't go because I can't afford the trip that's not us not getting along that's just me being broke. It's my dad's comment and my sister paying for the tickets that I feel forced and obligated.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:59 PM on Oct. 12, 2013

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