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3 Bumps

Am I upset over nothing?

So SO is in CA finishing out his navy contract I am in AZ setting up the house with our kids. We have been married 7 years so we do know each other (although still learning lol) Well he has this friend at his command, a female. He is friends with males as well but she is of a particular sour point for me. One she's a cool down to earth one of the guys chick. She is fit (she hits the gym everyday) and she's my husbands type. Brunette down earth one of the guys chick lol. He even said if he was single he would prolly go for her. He has her cell number in his phone, he also has male co workers cell number sin his phone it's for work purposes. I have met her. She is very cool and I sensed no sexual tension or awkwardness from her. Well he plays World of Warcraft and always goes to his raids RELIGIOUSLY! Of late he has been getting stir crazy (we can ALL relate to that lol) Well he is thinking this weekend instead of raiding one night he hangs out with her like they go to her place and drink or go out and do something. I am not cool with this. They are going alone, he is married (so ummmm he's mine) she is single. If it was a group I wouldn't mind but it's not...am I right to not be happy with this? I don't want to start a fight and push him into doing something stupid because he's mad at me or because I am offhandedly accusing him of something. I do trust him (believe it or not) He hates cheaters (he was cheated on ALOT) and he is jealous as well. He didn't go the sleazebag route after being cheated on he went the jealousy route lol. What do you ladies think?

 
rhanford

Asked by rhanford at 10:18 PM on Oct. 13, 2013 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,575 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • If she wants to hang out here and there in groups cool... My letting them in the beginning had this girl clinging on asking him all the time to hang out. When he didn't write her back she would get mad. I was like nope no more she needs to know she has no place in our marriage.

    Whenever I talked about my concerns with my husband I would be careful to not blame him, and instead just let him see how the friendship makes me feel, and I was open and honest about what I was and was not okay with.

    Then find more ways little or big to flirt, and bond with your husband. The grass is greener where you water it. : ) I hope everything works for you. you can private message me anytime if you want more insight.. I have been there.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:23 PM on Oct. 14, 2013

  • Hmm, this is a tough one. My husband is similar (WOW, women co-workers, etc). He has gone trail running with one of his female co-workers once and that did hurt me a bit because I have been begging him to go hiking with me and he won't. There was one female that he would hang out with on occasion but it was mainly in a group or with at least one other person. I trust my husband and I am sure you trust yours so what I would do is just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him being in that situation. 

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 10:28 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • Yeah,that's not cool
    She may act like a guy for some things,but she is still a woman
    Out of respect for you,those 2 should not be alone
    Would you go hang with a single guy alone?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:30 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • " instead of raiding one night he hangs out with her like they go to her place and drink or go out and do something. I am not cool with this. They are going alone, he is married (so ummmm he's mine) she is single. If it was a group I wouldn't mind but it's not..."

    ******
    yeah, that would be a problem for me. Going out with her in a group- fine. Going to do something alone? That would bug me
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:35 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • Then he should offer you the same respect
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:35 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • this is a problem. talk to your husband and be open with how you feel about it, ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same thing he is doing even innocently, that way he will know how you feel.
    shechua

    Answer by shechua at 11:30 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • Keep a conversation going till you and your husband figure out the boundaries, whatever they may be for you. Don't try to talk yourself out of being upset or ignore the problem because doing that will only build resentment in your marriage.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:38 PM on Oct. 13, 2013

  • I would just tell him that you would rather he went out with a group rather than one single person.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:26 AM on Oct. 14, 2013

  • I CAN relate...

    My DH has a co worker friend, their work roles play off of each other, so they "need" each other in that sense. One day he told me she invited him and some others to get drinks at the martini bar a block from their office. He doesn't really have a lot of friends outside work so I was all on board. He kept texting me that he loved me, thanks for letting me go out, do you need me to hurry back. I told him stop texting me, have fun, and to call me if he drinks too much.

    Later she started texting him a lot, asking him to go get drinks all the time, lunch, etc. He always asked if it was okay, he was always open about the scenarios.... While I trust my husband there are some boundaries. Just because I trust him doesn't mean I need to let him bond with another woman.

    I was open and honest with him... look if she wants to call someone to talk about her bad day let her call her boyfriend not you.

    Continued...
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:14 PM on Oct. 14, 2013

  • Keep talking about it. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. I have hung out with singel guys, my husband has hung out with single women. Not a problem. 20 years married here.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:00 AM on Oct. 14, 2013