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3 Bumps

My SO started a new job, now we don't spend time together :(

He started a job where he has to wake up at 4am every morning. So he's exhausted when he gets home up until he goes to bed. Our "us" time used to be after the kids were sleeping, and we made it work for a few nights after this new job started, but he's just too tired to do that anymore. He's been going to bed at 8 with the kids the past few nights now, and I get bored and lonely :( I guess im just being a big baby about it. Anyone else ever gone through this? How did you cope?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Oct. 15, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • hubby has worked nights off and on the whole time we've been married- you get used to it...and make time when you can

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:03 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • Be thankful he has a job. Be thankful he's a good provider for your family.

    Answer by PandaGwen at 10:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • Morning sex.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • For the first several yrs of our marriage dh work nights and I worked days. He also worked second shift on the weekends, so we rarely saw each other. Then he got a job where he travelled almost every week. Now he has normal hours most of the yr, but I never see him between late Jan thru April 15th. Personally, I like the alone time. I can read, catch up on stuff.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 10:33 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • DH and I have had that schedule for the past 11 years. It's not easy, but it does get easier as he gets used to getting up at O'Dark O'Clock. My DH is usually up and gone by 4:30 and works at least 4 10 hours shifts a week; and for the past 2 weeks he's be up and gone by 3:30.

    I always go into bed with him. He stays awake some nights. Others I just read, watch movies, or play games on the iPad. And we make sure to have date nights on the weekends, even if we don't go out. Wink, wink.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:36 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • Been there, done that. When my ex and I were together and our children were small, we worked opposite shifts to avoid having to pay for childcare. There were many days that went by that the only way I could see him is if I sacrificed my sleep but that was just to watch him sleep. As my children grew older, we worked opposite shifts to pay the bills (I had a good job on 1st shift and he had a good job on 2nd).

    It is trickier, but that is when you schedule time in for each other. Hire a sitter. Go away for the weekend. Leave each other notes. Make his lunch. Send him a text. Post a youtube video of your song on his facebook wall. Write "I love you" on the mirror in the bathroom with soap so he sees it the next time he takes a shower. Little things to let him know you are thinking about him.


    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 10:37 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • We've both done the early shift/late shift routines over the 20 years we've been married. Our together time was always on the weekends.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:49 PM on Oct. 15, 2013

  • It should get easier as his body adjusts to the schedule shift. Cuddle up in bed with him, maybe have some sleepy sex, then get online or watch TV after he falls asleep.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:52 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • We have the same situation. Except my SO just drank coffee and ran off 2 to 4 hours of sleep and now will have seizures if he doesn't get adaquate sleep. Not saying it caused his epilepsy but it is one of his only triggers.

    If you want alone time then wake the kids up an hour earlier and put them to bed earlier. Adapt.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:21 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • This would be a good time to learn to knit or crochet or embroider ...

    Answer by goldpandora at 4:04 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

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