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Am I wrong for feeling this way about my ex?

I get sick and tired of people talking about my ex to him. I can just talk about something very random and somehow people will find a way to include my ex with the topic. It's been almost two years since we have been broken up, so you would think that people would stop talking about him. Yes, we have a son together, but that's the only thing we have in common. When I would run into my ex a lot, he would brag to me about how well him and his gilfriend are doing. One day when we were arguing, because he kept saying that I still had feelings for him. I told him that's not the case. In fact, I only talk to him about my son. Him, on the other hand would talk to me about other things. After I told him that, he admitted that he brags to me about his life just to show me that he's doing better than me. My whole point of saying this is I get tired of him. I get tired of people bringing him up. My mom talked about how he mention to her how well he's doing and that I should quit my job and focus on school like how my ex did by not working and just focusing on school. Well, I am not going let other people take care of my son for me, just so I can focus more on getting my life together. I'm going to try to do both, take care my son and go to school and not stay unemployed for 3 years and have other people take care of my responsibility like my selfish ex did. Maybe I'm jealous, but I feel like I hate my ex. I feel like I hate him for trying his best to make my life miserable when we first broke up. I feel like I hate him for looking down on me just because I'm not doing as good as he is. I feel like I hate him for not being there for our son when he should have been. I feel like I hate him for making me struggle when he's making 50,000 a year and rarely paying child support. I feel like I hate him for not wanting to watch him when I had to go to school, arriving late to pick my son up and making me late for school, or not even picking him up at all. Sorry for talking about my personal life details. I just needed to vent.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on Oct. 16, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think there are a few things that are really hard to see when you are in the middle of something like this. First off, he brags because he wants you to be unhappy. While what he is doing is hurtful, it's also not completely honest. One that is truly happy doesn't need to brag about it. It's more likely that he makes his life sound better than it is just to get to you. So realize that while he says these things, it comes with his agenda. You need to find a way to feel at peace with being without him (personally, not for the child you share). Release him and tell him you are happy for him. Cut him off at the knees and he won't be able to get to you as easily.

    As for support, I would suggest finding a way to get it taken out of his pay automatically so that he can't skip payments. That's only fair to your child.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:28 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • To answer the question no. Feelings are not right or wrong. They are just your feelings. Looks like you may have answered your own question in that vent there. Anger, jealousy and..... what's the word? Disgust, distain? Bitter feelings.

    Counseling available anywhere? Make him pay child support and show up on time. That is very rude of him.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:43 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • How you feel is how you feel. There's no right or wrong about it, and there's no point in trying to talk yourself out of your emotions. However, finding a way to get beyond bitterness and anger will be in your best interest and in the best interest of your child.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:17 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Get a court order and have his wages garnished.
    Next time someone brings him up gently say, can we please talk about something else, the past if over.
    I have a feeling that you might have griped about him, and then someone asks about what happened etc. I have never had someone just in conversation bring up a topic, that had never discussed with them.
    You must get the child support deducted from his pay, for the sake of your child.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 10:02 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Yes, actually, you are wrong.

    You are wrong in that you think you have any control over anyone else's conversation.

    You are wrong in that you think your current can't handle references to other humans, including your ex.

    You are wrong in thinking that just because you used to be 'with' that guy, you have any responsibility for what anyone thinks of him, what he does or who knows he exists.

    Let it go, man. It's none of your business.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:59 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Well, you feel how you feel. My thought in reading over this is that those feelings signal that you need resolution. This isn't anything someone gives you; it is a matter of coming to terms with things inside yourself.
    Your feelings of distress & upset signal the things that presently are unresolved inside of you. If you respond constructively to them (instead of treating them as the truth about the situation) then you'll be healing.
    For me, feeling upset when someone brought up my ex would be something to notice. (This is distinct from getting upset about the person having done something wrong by bringing him up--that would be treating my feelings as "the truth" about the situation.) I can't control other people, & engaging in a struggle (emotionally) around what people "should" or "should not" be doing is a whole lot of wasted energy.
    You can't change how you feel, but you can pay attention to how you relate to it.

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:58 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Noticing how upset I feel, how I want the person to stop doing what they're doing, and how I strongly feel that they shouldn't do this, all would be beneficial. This noticing is about developing an "Observer Self" so that I am less swallowed by the emotional experience, and instead can see myself as having an upsetting experience. I get a look at the fact that I am upset by this, and that I have these thoughts.
    This gives me a chance to engage the thoughts, rather than just having them & assuming their Truth or validity.

    Seeing it all instead of "being" it, is the distinction.

    Then you begin to notice that you think you can't handle hearing some things, hearing about some people, hearing someone's name, etc.
    There's a lot of victim thinking in those assumptions, but once you begin to see your experience you can explore whether or not it actually is true. That's when the change (and eventual healing) comes.

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:10 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • LindaClemons,

    What the heck do you mean it's none of my business. You make zero since. I DO mind my own business. I RARELY talk about him. I can't help it if other people bring his up life to me. I can't help it if he brings up his life to me. Unless you fully understand the situation, don't judge and don't answer unless you fully comprehend my question. You sound stupid/ignorant.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:29 PM on Oct. 16, 2013