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Moms of 11yr old boys.

I'm at a loss. Ever since he was in Kindergarten he's loved school..... Until now. He's been back talking the teacher, saying inappropriate things, has had a detention after school, and today he's having a lunch detention.

From K-4th grade he was doing great. His grades were good, he was in student council, and was happy.

This year he's taking guitar lessons (which he loves), will be playing basketball soon, and played baseball through the Summer. He also has a dirtbike he loves to ride....So he stays busy.

I can't figure out what's going on. So when the Teacher emailed me today, and told me what he's doing, I asked her if I can come sit in today after lunch. So when he walks in, he'll see me. I know he won't be happy, but maybe he'll realize I'm serious when I say, if he doesn't behave at school, I will be there.... What do you think? Thanks!

(He's now in the 5th grade.)


Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Oct. 16, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You might want to make sure you don't look entirely presentable when you head off to class. For good measure.

    I agree that music should be the last thing to go. Not only because of the money, but music is good for the brain.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:09 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • I think that's a great idea. How are his grades? I would say that if he keeps getting detention for acting out that you will take away some of his privileges.  If grades are bad then I would take away the extracurricular sports.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:51 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • We always tied behavior to the extra activities too. If they didn't behave in school, pay attention, and try their best then they did not get to do the extra things they loved like sports, dirt bikes (in your case), etc. GL

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:51 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Remind him about being respectful and be there to listen to him about what may be bothering him.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:55 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • What does he say to you about school? How is he feeling about his class & teacher this year?
    Do his behaviors extend to home, as well?

    How does his teacher handle things in the moment when they happen in class? Do you know what has happened? (Has she given you any examples of what he says, along with the context in which it happens & her response?)

    What do you & your husband think might be his motive for "trying out" such behaviors/attitudes?

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:25 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • what grade is he in?

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:48 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Sounds like a good approach to me, at least in the short term. He might not mouth off to the teacher when you're sitting there, so you won't get an accurate perspective of what's going on, but at least he'll know you'll back up your threats. I'd also consider locking up that dirt bike till he decides he can be fit company at school.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:52 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • He's in the 5th grade...

    He's been grounded from his dirt bike for a couple weeks now. He knows if his grades are bad he won't be playing any sports. He also won't play if his behavior's bad. I won't take the guitar lessons away, since I pay a month in advance, and they're on a schedule.... If I stop them, I lose the money, and it seems to be an outlet for him.

    As far as his grades go he's doing pretty well. He's made the B honor roll this quarter.... My Husband seems to think it's his age, and that he's trying it on. When our oldest (17) was in the 6th grade I had to sit in class for a day, and that was the last time. I think it scared him so much that he never misbehaved again in school.... So I thought I'd give it a try again.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:59 AM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • That's actually a really ordinary age to figure out that the terror hanging overhead that so-easily coerces children to comply with the rules and assignments is a completely fake threat, and that teachers and principals aren't actually allowed to kill the children ... partly because they're big enough and savvy enough to deal with a potentially-dangerous adult and partly because they figure out that no kid ever gets seriously harmed by the staff, so it's unlikely to happen to them.

    There has to be other reasons he agrees with to comply... if you can find any, you could let him know what they are.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:04 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • I sat in his class for 2 hours today. When he walked in after lunch, he was surprised, to say the least.... His eyes teared up, and he couldn't even look me in the eye.

    I told him on the way home that I will sit in his class everyday, until he can learn to have respect for his Teacher, and behave in class. He may know that the staff/teachers can't really do anything to him, but he will know that I stick to my word. I'm going to give him until lunch time tomorrow, and then his Teacher's going to let me know how his morning went, and if it doesn't go well, I will be back at school and sit in class until they go to specials. He's not going to know when I'll be there, so it's up to him to watch his behavior...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:03 PM on Oct. 16, 2013