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Do I worry too much about my teens social lives?

I have 2 teenage boys...13 and 16. My 13 y o wants to be gone with his friends all the time. My 16 y o stays home every night and weekend although he has many friends and gets invited places. He says he's happy with this and I have no reason to believe otherwise. The problem is me. I worry that my 13 y o is not getting invited everywhere...sometimes I hear his friends talking about doing something my son was not invited to. And I worry that there's something wrong with my 16 y o although he seems happy. I just worry about their social lives too much, almost to the point of obsessing...I literally cannot sleep sometimes just thinking about this. Am I weird or is this normal? How can I stop this?

Answer Question
 
anonymous36

Asked by anonymous36 at 9:23 PM on Oct. 16, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Nice screen name. You need to let go of the things you have no control over. Let your kids live their own lives.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:27 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • I literally cannot sleep sometimes just thinking about this.


    That is not normal. As far as what to do, with behavior this obsessive, you may want to speak with a counselor.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:29 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • does the 13 yr old seem happy?
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:32 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Yeah, you might want to talk to someone about that.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 9:32 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Part of parenting is tolerating uncertainty/self-doubt & managing the anxiety that gets triggered. It is normal (common) to struggle with this in some areas or with some scenarios, but it can interfere or become intrusive, so it does make sense to talk to somebody about what is going on and seek some support for working through your feelings so they don't interfere with your sons.

    Being able to talk about the worries & fears as they are, irrational as they may seem, would be really helpful in getting a grip on what's going on. A lot of unresolved stuff gets "kicked up" by the experience of parenting, or when kids enter certain developmental stages or hit ages that were difficult for us for some reason. It's also very common for parents to compensate for personal unease or dissatisfaction by "over-focusing" on a child, either worrying or getting very involved. Problems can be opportunities to do the "inner work" of parenting.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:06 PM on Oct. 16, 2013

  • Who says your thirteen-year-old has to get invited everywhere? And who says your sixteen-year-old can't be a happy homebody? You really need to get a grip, perhaps by seeing a counselor or going on anti-anxiety meds.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:29 AM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • Your 13 year old isn't getting invited everywhere, nor should he. Even if he did get invited everywhere, he wouldn't be able to attend everything. You need to get over this. If the 16 year old is happy with his life the way it is, then leave him alone. There's nothing wrong with choosing to stay home and enjoy yourself at home. And your 13 year old will survive not being included in everything.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:30 AM on Oct. 17, 2013

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