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DH has made my self esteem so horrible. How would you feel? *TMI* adult content

I've commented to DH that I am always giving, not receiving oral. I made a comment at the sex shop about getting flavored oral stuff so maybe I'd get mine. He said very emphatically that it would help, which made me ask again why he doesn't like to go down. He says he does, and has spent lots of time doing it, but only every now and then. Once he had said when I ovulate he doesnt like to because its different texture. Also that he is afraid I'll start my period when he's down there. Now the other night he told me that he doesnt like to go down unless I'm right out of the shower because the smell is a turn off. I always wash with soap & water before sex to get the pee smell off, too. We have no infections, no STDs, no cheating, etc. We some times have sex several times a day & when he ejaculates, I've noticed an odor, not fishy, just strong, even when I bathe/clean up. I've read that the semen left inside can cause an odor. I'm hurt, because I've dealt with his untreated bipolar & ED for 2 years before he finally got help. I'm depressed already from that. He wants sex always when he wants it & I feel like he is being insensitive! He sleeps a lot due to depression (which is getting better) & wants sex when he wakes up, then goes back to sleep. I feel like a live in hoe. When I cried, "so you you think I'm nasty" he said that its nothing like that. I don't think its fair that he expects oral & sex on command but won't do it for me. I feel like crap. My ex husband would have lived down there if I'd let him, never complained. What would you do? Would you cut him off?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Oct. 17, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)

    2- Wash your external parts only, soap and water, once a day, MAYBE twice (after a workout, after sex, etc).

    3- "Body Kiss"- strongly scented, strongly flavored body lotion that doubles as lubricant.

    Anything else is HIS issue that HE needs to deal with. If he keeps making comments, you'll just need to remember this:


    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 5:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • Not every guy likes to give oral - it might not be his thing. But, if it bothers you that much don't go down on him until he does it for you. Tell him he's got to give a little to get a little!!

    Answer by Crafty26 at 4:07 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • What would you do? Never think about what the ex would do.

    Would you cut him off? No

    Keep working thru what is helping with the depression maybe try couples counseling.


    Answer by virginiamama71 at 4:06 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • Maybe you could suggest that he doesn't ejaculate inside so often since you said that you noticed an odor sometimes. Maybe its the odor he is noticing? IDK. Just a suggestion. And, I also agree with Crafty, some men don't like to give oral. But, give and take. Good luck! :)

    Answer by oneofeach26 at 4:12 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • I think I would concentrate on my marriage as whole rather than being so focused on one small area. If sex is the only reason you are together then, it is a poor reason. In sexual matters I think if you enjoy something then you should do it unless the other person objects.
    You husband objects to one part. That is fine. If you enjoy oral and he enjoys receiving that is fine too. If you don't then you don't have to. It works both ways, not as a weapon but for mutual satisfaction.
    You were communication to him and he communicated back. You did not like the answer. From your reaction I would guess that he might not feel comfortable talking to you about these things any longer.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:46 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • Never do anything that makes you feel bad.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • Yeah it was tacky to mention my ex. The only reason was because we were together 13 years and he never complained. I would think he would have said something if I had an odor.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:12 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • I think the reason it hurt my feelings so much is because he has always commented that I am a dynamo in bed, and that he loves our sex life. Its a pride thing. Now that he its taking meds for ED his already large member is even more difficult to handle. So we've had to stop a lot because it hurts. Then I give him oral so he can get off, but he rarely does anything for me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:19 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • My first thought (just about the oral sex issue) is that you can't really make someone do something they don't want to do. So "would you cut him off?" seems like a definite No go to me. That doesn't mean you have no personal limits; it means your limits should reflect yourself & your feelings, not be an attempt to control someone else or influence (leverage) their choices.

    You can make decisions about whether or not YOU are willing to go down. I would not do ANYthing that left me with feelings of resentment. Those feelings ALWAYS signal that you've ignored your personal limits. (We get angry at others for overstepping or mistreating us, "making us" do things, but it's a boundary issue. If we assert & maintain our boundaries, those issues & feelings don't happen. This implies developing some tolerance for displeasure, annoyance, and possibly anger from the partner--whatever their reaction to the limit.)

    What about a hand job?

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:54 PM on Oct. 17, 2013

  • AH Some medication change the way we smell and the way we perceive tastes and smells.
    You are at a toy shop? There are all kinds of things he can use that do not involve his tasting something.

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2013