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14 year olds smoking

I'm raising my late husbands brother who is 14. I've been his guardian since last spring when his brother (my husband) passed away. Sammy has been smoking since he was 10 (according to what he tells me) and I hate it. He smokes clove cigarettes and I know those are even worse for you than regular cigarettes. He smokes those black ones. I'm pretty sure his mom and her boyfriend buy them for him but I can't prove it.
I don't know how to go about getting him to stop, or if it's even my place to try.
what should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by AllyB_ at 2:22 AM on Oct. 18, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (313 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Your raising him, so you have say on what goes on. Talk to him, and see if he will go to the doctors to see his options. like a nicotine patch, etc. If his parents are buying them, talk to them. Hopefully they are people you can have a civil conversation with.

    Answer by lovemyfour79 at 2:36 AM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Unfortunately if he's been smoking since he was 10, that's 4 years and by now he's hooked. Smoking is such a terrible habit and the addiction is one if not the hardest to break. At this point he will only quit when he's ready to and all you can do is try to encourage him to quit (nagging and punishments won't work.) I'm a smoker so I know how hard it is. Good luck.

    Answer by GarysWife1991 at 4:45 AM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • If he is living in your house, you set the rules for what is/isn't acceptable behavior. To me, teen smoking is completely unacceptable. You set rules and consequences. You may want to consult a dr for resources on teen smoking cessation.

    Answer by missanc at 6:54 AM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • you can't get him to quit. You can NOT allow him to smoke at home or around you, but honestly, there is no way to make him stop, he'll just go somewhere else and smoke. Until HE wants to stop-it's not going to happen

    cloves...LOVE the smell of them

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:21 AM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • If you are his legal guardian, it is your right to put a stop to it.
    I believe you said he had some issues and so this may be more of a challenge. Why not ask him who buys his cigarettes?
    Here it is illegal to purchase cigarettes for a minor.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:05 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • If he is your responsibility then I would treat him as my own. No smoking at all or be punished, no if ands or buts. Good luck with him :)

    Answer by JennaBea at 12:55 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Thanks everyone! I got a mix of answers, which is how I'm feeling about it. I feel like I have a right to make him quit but at the same time, HOW do I make him quit if he's been smoking for 4 years and I'm sure he smokes at his moms and at school and with friends when I'm not around. He's super smart so I know he understands the consequences, but I suppose if I take him to the doctor about it enough maybe he'll give in? It's such a tough spot to be in because he outright tells me 'yes you're my guardian and i respect that but no one is raising me I'm raising myself and its my choice'
    its pretty frustrating

    Comment by AllyB_ (original poster) at 2:41 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Honestly, I think the bst you can do is tell him you won't allow smoking in your home, for the sake of your own health and the health of any other children who live there. Andyou won't buy him cigarettes. Make him step outside when he wants to indulge, even when it's freezing cold or sweltering hot. Beyond that, nagging him to quit won't work, and punishing him will just erode your relationship. Offer to get him medical help, and maybe go to counseling with him, since it sounds as if he's confused--you're his guardian and he respects that, but he's raising himself.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:18 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • He's in counseling so maybe I will talk to his therapist about it. He goes outside to smoke, he wouldn't smoke around my 4 year olds.

    Comment by AllyB_ (original poster) at 8:47 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

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