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10 year old is being rotten lately. What to do about the attitude?

It's new. He's been a good kid forever and suddenly he's being a stinker. It started because he didn't want to share his trumpet with his brother. We didn't want to buy/rent two until we know they'll stick it out so we got another mouthpiece so they'd have at least their own mouthpiece and books. My God, my 10 year old is embarrassed, mad, sad, blah, blah. Spoiled. He doesn't have a lot of buddies (two of his besties moved away) so he's having a hard time finding another kid he likes to hang out with. But I can't understand the uptick in attitude and worse, not sure what to do about it. He's challenging me on a lot of stuff so today I lost it. Bad mom. I don't think there is anything wrong at school, I really think it's attitude. I get a lot of "Well Brad's mom lets him play Xbox, why can't I have an Xbox" and that sort of thing....It's annoying me. Any advice on how to quell the beastly attitude?


Asked by jeanclaudia at 6:47 PM on Oct. 18, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 32 (56,918 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My thought is when he's talking, just empathize. So that he's heard with no judgments or agenda, just with acknowledgment for what is lousy about the given situation. Consider it a vent, and think in terms of how much feeling heard can help. He'll start to move through his feelings & ultimately will reach some sort of internal resolution. When kids can stop defending their feelings, they enter an emotional process & start coming to terms with things. But it's not helpful to try to do this FOR them through "instruction."
    The trumpet is a bummer but makes sense financially; that is completely valid. (That is reality!) But when you're listening to him, just focus on how Yes, it is a bummer.
    Put yourself in his shoes & feel it. If you can remember a story from your own childhood that might feel similar, share it. To connect & show that you do "get it."
    You're not Brad's mom. But wanting an Xbox makes sense. It'd be great!

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:14 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • What about attitude equaling more chores around the house? Since he obviously has enough energy to mouth off, then he has enough energy to work. That's what we do with my 10 year old.

    It's also Friday. He seems extra attitudinal the closer to the end of the school week we get.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:29 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Well, mine isn't ten yet, but attitude usually equals missing something she want to do like a rip to the park. My mom used to make us write sentences. A hundred times, "I will be polite."

    Answer by Ballad at 8:19 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Sounds to me like he's taking things out on you. He's probably frustrated & missing his friends who moved & having a hard time forming new friendships. Besides playing trumpet, does he have any other hobbies or activities that he does? Maybe doing something new will help him meet & make new friends.
    As far as the challenging you part, when my 11 y/o pulls that crap, I tell her what I expect, and if she doesn't do it, then she doesn't get to do things she wants until it's done. And he needs to be made to understand that if you had the money, you would get his bro his own trumpet, but you don't right now. Times are tough, so he should be grateful he has a trumpet to begin with. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:54 AM on Oct. 19, 2013

  • Here's one: My daughter (6) has had all week to get her clean clothes folded and put away. A chore of about 10 minutes if she just does it. It's still not done. This morning my son (10) walked by her room and stage whispered, "clean your room" to her. Not trying to help, just being a jerk to her.

    So now, because he's overstepping his bounds, HE gets to fold her clothes for her, and SHE is to put them away.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:15 PM on Oct. 19, 2013

  • On the last My standard answer is, "I am not Brad's mom."
    On the trumpet I kind of agree with him.

    Answer by Dardenella at 6:56 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Yeah, the trumpet is a bummer but financially it's what makes the most sense for the moment.

    Comment by jeanclaudia (original poster) at 6:58 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Good ideas, thanks ladies!

    Comment by jeanclaudia (original poster) at 9:46 PM on Oct. 18, 2013

  • Extra attention.

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:37 PM on Oct. 23, 2013