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What do you do for a birthday of a loved one who recently passed away?

My husband died in April and his birthday is Monday.
I want to be open about it with my 4 year olds, I want to acknowledge the day and think of him but I don't want to upset anyone but I already know it's going to upset the 14 year old (my husbands little brother)

What would you do?


Asked by AllyB_ at 2:07 AM on Oct. 20, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 9 (313 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I would have a celebration of his life and buy gifts of clothing then donate to a local mens shelter.
    If he was hospitalized I would make comfort bags for family members,I would include personal hygene items, hairbrush, small notepad/pen, and maybe a small puzzle/game book. Many people are brought in via ambulance and admitted, this would be a start for loved ones staying at the hospital during the crisis. I am sorry for your loss

    Answer by RobinChristine at 10:00 AM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • Sorry for your loss. If he is buried near you, I would definitely make a trip to the grave as part of it. It will be hard for everybody, but sometimes it seems to help, too. Maybe plan to do what he loved to do - like if you went to the lake a lot, or bowling, or swimming or whatever - as long as you and the kids like it - make a day of doing things that you did together that he loved to do. If you think that would be something you could do emotionally.

    Answer by Tawneekitn at 2:41 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • My nephew would have been 10 on Oct 6th. We had a bunch of snow here the day before. So I got 10 balloons and we all wrote a message on the balloons and we gave his cousins each a balloon to release as they sled down the hill. It was something they could do to remember their cousin and it was something my nephew would have loved doing.

    I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you can find a special way to remember your husbands memory.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:54 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • So sorry for your loss. My DH died 8.5 years ago, and for a few years after we would visit his grave and go out to lunch as a family. His mom and siblings would come with us as well.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 10:01 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • I am so sorry for your loss, but I would do nothing, the wound is still raw, let it heal.....

    Answer by older at 9:05 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • So sorry for your loss. I agree with Older, you may want to remember him in your own way, but don't plan anything this 1st year. The 1st year is the worst & the younger ones may not understand completely. Maybe next year, you can get some cupcakes & have a B-day toast in his honor. If you haven't checked into it already, Hospices offer free grief counseling for the entire family, even if you never used their services. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:22 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • I guess I never really did anything after the fact. After someone close to me has died, we usually memorialized them on Memorial Day. One close friend I lost in an accident that we were involved in a long time ago... but I still think about her every year to that date.

    Answer by m-avi at 2:08 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • What you do with your family in your house is no business of anyone's brother.

    I think Tawnee's answer is excellent: do something together that he loved.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:46 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Sorry for your loss.
    IMO, I do nothing.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:54 AM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • LindaClement - Sammy is 14, I'm raising him, he is part of my family so it is his business. His brother was the only stable and reliable person he ever had in his life and this is all really hard for him.

    Comment by AllyB_ (original poster) at 12:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2013