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How do I muster happiness for a friend who just got engaged?

I'm trying to decide if maybe I'm a bit jealous because I've been in a relationship longer than she but am still not engaged (though my boyfriend and I have discussed it and right now we're truly happy with where we are and the way things are headed, I usually still get a little green when my friends get engaged).

But even though I'm not un-happy for her, 4 months ago they were broken up and she hated him, was dating a few new guys, etc. Then she got back with him, within a month they were moved in together and she was wearing a promise ring and referred to him as her fiancee anyway. So, not very shocked at the news, not to mention a little weirded out at their situation to begin with.

He treats her well for the most part, although he is very jealous because one of the guys she was dating a few months ago works with us. But he's also very spoiled. His family and wealthy and he's never really lifted a finger in his whole life, yes has had everything paid for. I just have a hard time being excited for that I guess. When I see her on Monday I'll say congrats but I'm trying to find a way to fake the excitement for her.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Oct. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would just fake it. Since you all work together keep it cool. It's okay to feel that way but keep it to youself.

    Answer by Jazmineamomma at 3:28 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Well if she has been referring to him as her fiance for a while then it shouldn't be much of a surprise that it's finally 'official'. You can just say congrats and then leave it at that. If she is the kind that expects her friends to gush about her engagement then I don't really know how to help you with that. I'm not a very subtle person.

    As for being jealous, try to just focus on your own relationship and not worry about what she is doing. Some people live their lives at a quicker pace than others. The key is learning how to enjoy the ride.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • I don't know that I would be happy for her. I think I'd be fearful for her. And I would not fake happiness. I simply wouldn't geet excited about her engagement at all.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:44 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Sounds to me like a train wreck waiting to happen. Fake it and take the high road. Waiting will be good for you.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 3:59 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Just congratulate her and leave it at that. And be there to help pick up the pieces after the bomb drops.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:13 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Say congrats, give her a hug, gush over the shiny thing on her finger, then get to work. Being her friend means celebrating her victories, & soothing her thru her defeats. Enjoy the happy part of this story while it lasts.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:55 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • How old are they? I have never heard of promise rings after high school.

    Definitely fake it. If she hears any sort of criticism now from you, there's a 99.5% chance she'll become defensive and dislike you for it.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 10:59 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • She's 24 he's either 34 or 35.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:50 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • I would say express happiness for her happiness. Connect to whether or not you ARE happy for her happiness, and if so, feel it & express it. It's really a separate issue from agreeing with someone, or approving of their decisions.

    I think if you feel a little jealous or defensive, it's hard to feel enthused about the announcement that triggered those feelings! But feelings of jealousy are just a chance to acknowledge some tension around the issue of "getting engaged" and how that tends to validate a relationship in the eyes of other people (and that announcements from others maybe trigger a little insecurity around how onlookers might be judging your relationship or what they might be assuming about you, which in turn would trigger a little defensiveness.) And they offer a chance to check in with reality by looking again at your relationship and at the fact that you & your boyfriend are choosing this path & feel contented.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:55 PM on Oct. 21, 2013

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