Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is considered for custody in a divorce?

What do the courts consider when making a decision for custody in a divorce? I know it usually depends on the state, but what are the "givens"? My ex and I will most likely be going to court because of our inability to agree on an arrangement.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Oct. 20, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • All the court cares about is what's best for the child.

    Are you both good parents. Do you have a stable home for your child. Very often these days the court will split custody equally between the two parents. Proximity to the child's school can be a factor in this.

    Who has more money is generally not an issue, and the judge will most likely award child support as needed.

    And it really does depend on the state. Some states still give joint custody with primary custody to the mother and fathers getting every other weekend. Other states prefer to split custody. Unless one parent is neglectful or incompetent in someway, they generally do not give custody to just one parent.

    The only way to really know will be to get a good lawyer.

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:56 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • Is the parents' schedule ever taken into consideration (as in the child would spend more time in a daycare rather than in the actual care of the parent)? Does that make sense?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • I can only speak for my case. My ex was allowed to take our son for 6 weeks during the summer even though our son would spend all of his time in daycare and i was a stay at home mom.

    The other parent was given time with the child even if he wasn't available to be with the child.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:08 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • The standard arrangement is every other weekend and a couple hours one night a week for dinner. Summers usually consist of at least two weeks of uninterrupted time. Holidays will alternate for even / odd years and you both get your birthdays. Many of these things can be negotiated, but this is a standard arrangement. The courts will probably consider how much time the child spends with the father already, what kind of job you have and if you are not able to care for the child when he can (like if you work late or every weekend). Usually you can ask that each other have the right of first refusal which would obligate you to call the other in the event you aren't able to care for your child before seeking a sitter or outside help.

    I agree, have your attorney hammer out the details. If he won't negotiate through a mediator then I guess it will have to go to court.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:09 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • What is he asking for? Have you already been to court for your divorce? How did the judge see you? Were you amicable? The courts will look more favorably if you have attempted to negotiate and give a little.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:11 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • It is in the best interest of EVERYONE that I have primary care of my daughter (he would have her every other weekend and Wednesday/Wednesday night. However I told him just because that is the set up does mean he couldn't have her on Thursdays (it would be under my schedule though because he ends up having to work Thursday every once in awhile. I also said he could see her Sunday evening but she would have to sleep at my place. His schedule is the biggest problem - Monday - 9am to 8pm, Tuesday - 9am to 7pm, WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY OFF, Friday - 9am to 7pm, Saturday - 8a to 5:30pm, Sunday noon to 5pm. And this is just an estimate, it's retail so sometimes he gets out 30 minutes to 1 hour after closing.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:17 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • How old is your child?

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:22 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • 4 and a half. She's in preschool now but does half days (11:30am to 3:00pm).

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:23 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • What is he asking for?

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:24 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

  • When she is in school it is in her best interest to have consistency during the week. Some parents can come to a split arrangement, but I would think that would be difficult for a child to bounce between homes during the school week. I would ask that custody be set up as it will be expected when she is enrolled in elementary.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:28 PM on Oct. 20, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.