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How to handle this situation?

I really need guidance. Every time we have a disagreement my husband take things to a whole different level and questions our marriage and he turns into this mean man.

Once again he asked me yesterday these questions:
1. What are you doing with me?
2. Are you tired of me?
3. And why you don't go and find another man?

I told him how is it possible that he disrespects me like that by saying those things? I was so mad I got upstairs and he was downstairs watching tv and then he go to bed and go to sleep.

I feel my marriage is fractured because this is repetitive and what and how can you react to someone that is pushing you away and saying those awful and bad things?

Would you feel bad if your husband told you that? Am I over reacting because the truth I feel very bad an sad. I don't want to work things out with him and he's the one that wants me to say I want the divorce but I won't.

Help!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Oct. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I don't want to work things out with him and he's the one that wants me to say I want the divorce but I won't.
    ******

    Huh?
    you don't want to work t out...but you don't want to leave?
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:20 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • Does he have depression or something?
    those questions he asked sound like it
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:21 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • Sounds like he has a VERY low self esteem. Does he have a hobby? Any interests? Maybe a bowling league? I guess I would get to the root of the problem. Is it related to financial issues? How about sit down & talk & try not to make it all about you. Maybe he needs some support about something.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:22 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • Maybe he has someone else and wants you to be the one to end the marriage.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 10:23 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • Sorry in other words he's the one in other fights said to me that if I leave he's going to talk to the lawyer and accused me of abandonment so he wants to put that on my shoulders by me saying that I want the divorce and I'm not going to say it if things go downhill I'm going to stay and if he wants to divorce he's the one that has to say it not me.

    I feel he wants to push me to say it and the thing is he's the one that is treating me bad not me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:26 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • This time we were talking about financial issues but not the other times and is the same pattern of questions.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:28 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • Honestly, the other ladies have some good answers, but my ex was like that. Eventually, that's why he became an ex. Because one of the times he started in with, "I'm such an asshole. Why do you want to be with me. Why don't you just go find yourself another man?" I got tired of it and filed for divorce, which is what he wanted me to do in the first place. It's not so bad, once the first wave of misery is over. You can do it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:40 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • It is not a question of says it first here, if you want out, say it...and check your state laws for abandonment, in a lot of states there is a no fault divorce claiming irreconcilable differences.....who cares who says it first if this is what you want?

    older

    Answer by older at 10:44 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • I think the best thing at this point is to get information. I understand right now you are scared, hurt and frustrated. Call an attorney and see what rights you have and let him know of the threats about abandonment. Knowledge is power.

    No more being a doormat. Like Ballard said- it is actually easier after you get away from verbal abuse !!! I know, I waited through 16 years of it and finally got a divorce. Ignore any of his threats and take it one step at a time. If you leave, it will be better than you can imagine ! I get the sense if you don't leave him now, you will waste time until you finally get the strength to do it later. He is controlling, manipulating, verbally abusing and walking all over you. However you are letting that dictate your life. Take it back !! You deserve respect. Only you can make your life what it needs to be. Chin up and you go girl !! GL
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:57 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

  • He says these things to you most likely out of a total lack of self esteem. What he is looking for from you is affirmation that he is not those things he is saying about himself. Men tend to see themselves through the eyes of their mothers. So, if you will take a good look at that relationship, you will find many clues as to why he feels the way he does about himself. Many a good marriage has been thrown away because women did not understand their husbands in terms of the relationships they had with their mommies. It is a very common problem. You all may need some counseling help in sorting through all of this, but I believe your marriage is worth the effort. You may also need to take a good long look at the relationship you had with your dad, because this plays a key role in your own marriage as well. It's a shame that marriage and child-rearing doesn't come with a manual, but know that there is help available!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:00 AM on Oct. 21, 2013

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