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2 Bumps

California trip continuted. What would you do?

I have a trip coming up for my sister's wedding at the end of November. She bought the plane tickets for my son and myself. My grandmother is paying for the room but I didn't know that the rest of the trip was going to be so expensive. So I told them we couldn't go. i definitely am unable to afford anything other than my basic bills and some days not even that. I told them everything so they are completely aware how broke I am. So my sister's fiance called and said we'll make it work. They are letting me use one of their cars and they'll pay for the entire trip for me and my son they just want both of us there.

I told everyone that I'm not letting someone pay for our entire trip whether they can afford it or not. I feel like trailer trash charity case and a complete failure. I wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eyes and it would be a disaster.

My sister and I have never gotten along and I'd only be going because I'd like to see my Aunt and cousin and his kids. I just can't afford it and I don't want to go either. My dad is pressuring me to go because he says since I don't have to pay a cent I'm going. I'm thinking, I'm an adult. if I don't want to go I don't have to.

What would anyone else do? Would you let someone pay your entire way no matter how you felt?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Oct. 22, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Me, personally? I would politely refuse. Why would you even consider putting yourself through that? No explanations are needed.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:35 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • I'm confused as to why your sister would pay your way if you don't get along. It sounds like either you get along better than you think, or she wants to try to mend fences with you - and for that, yes, I would definitely go.

    Regardless of getting along or not, as much as it might bug me to feel like a charity case, to spend time with my family, yes I would let them pay my way if it was the only way I could go. I have grandparents in their 80s that I honestly don't know if I'll see them again, and that my kids have only met once, when they were 2.5 yrs and 2.5 months old. I would do just about anything for the chance to see my family again, including let them pay for it, if I knew they could afford it and I couldn't.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:49 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • All the effort & insistence on you going is because they Really want you there. You should go. It's the right thing to do. Leave the sour grapes at home & live a little! Your child will cherish the memory I bet. Family is important. Especially to kids.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:57 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • Flip it around.. if you were helping a family member, would you look at them like a trailer trash charity case? No way. As shitty as this is making you feel, remember.. it's family, and they are obviously happy to help.

    I'd go, have a good time, and make the best of it.

    Answer by anestheticsex at 12:47 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • She wants you there to share her joy bad enough that she is willing to do whatever it takes to get you there.
    That sounds pretty wonderful to me.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:53 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • Personally yes, it sounds like she wants you there a lot.

    While you may not have gotten along great before this it sounds like this is making her realize how much family means and perhaps she is trying to put the past aside.

    I would go and make the best of it.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:53 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • If your family had only been inviting you to be polite, they would have had the perfect way out when you told them of your financial situation. Instead of taking the way out, your sister's fiancรฉ called you directly, offering you the use of one of their cars and saying they would make it work. Regardless of the past difficulties between you and your sister, it sounds like she's making an effort now. The ball is in your court. You can continue the animosity, or you can graciously accept help to go and see her get married. You can visit with the relatives you really want to see, have a change of scenery, and maybe, as an added benefit, connect a little with your sister. Or you can stay home and feel bad, and give your sister one more reason to feel hostile. It's your choice.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:19 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • Would you let someone pay your entire way no matter how you felt?

    To be with family, YES :-)

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:36 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • Swallow your pride & graciously accept their kindness. They are doing this b/c you are FAMILY. Go & spend time with them. When push comes to shove, time is the best gift we can offer to our loved ones.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:25 PM on Oct. 22, 2013

  • If your sis really wants you to go, I'd let her do it but I'd be clear that you can't afford it and don't want to feel indebted. Hell, we always pay for my big sister for family functions and no one cares. We want her there. That said, if you really don't want to go, just say thank you but no.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:46 PM on Oct. 22, 2013