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3 Bumps

Is there anything you would add or change in this arrangement?

As some of you may know, we've been dealing w/ having my 22 y/o son back at home for about a year now. He is working 2 PT jobs, but did not go back to school this semester. He's still being a big slob too. But he is buying some of his food & regularly paying his $25/wk rent. (Although he still owes some back rent) We had reached the end of our patience w/ the boy the other day, until my hubby came up w/ a brilliant plan.

We will give him a written 30 day notice to either make some changes or find a new place to live. If he turns things around in those 30 days, we will allow him to sign a 1 yr. "lease" w/ some stipulations about our very reasonable expectations. If during that year, he breaks conditions of the agreement, he will be given another notice to leave.

This way it's up to him & his behavior as to whether or not he gets to stay here. Sounds fair right? Is there anything you can think of to add to it? (We are including a stipulation about him returning to school since he has 3 yrs to graduate & get his own insurance)

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 9:42 AM on Oct. 24, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (281,387 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You know my stance. I will gladly take his place for 25 dollars a week AND I cook, clean and entertain.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:02 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I think you should raise the rent until he went back to school. Then lower it to $25/ wk when he has studies to focus on. Right now all he has to do is work and go out, he can definitely pay more. I think the lease is a good idea depending on how it's approached. Do you treat him like he's living "alone?" Or do you still cook his meals, help with laundry, question where he is, when he comes in, yell to clean his room? I mean, it has to be give and take. With the lease and the teaching of responsibility, I think you have to treat him more like a 'tenant' for it to really sink in that he is responsible for himself. Not just living at home again.
    WhyPiggy

    Answer by WhyPiggy at 10:03 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • It sounds fair I guess. I personally think $100 a month for rent is really low, but you know better about what he earns and what you can realistically ask for and need. As long as there is follow through on both sides it sounds like a decent agreement.

    I would look in the paper or in local classifieds on how much rooms for rent go for in your area so he knows how much of a deal he is getting and what he has to look forward to if he does not keep up his side of the agreement. That can be pretty sobering.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:52 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • He's an adult, so he should be treated as such. Either pay a normal amount for rent, or go to school, and finish. If he decides not to go to school, then he's out on his own as an adult.
    I think enabling him to be a slob, and not have to be a responsible adult is only hurting him. Make him grow up, he's not a child anymore.... If you don't do that you should plan on him being in your home for the rest of YOUR life.....
    As parents we're supposed to prepare our children for adulthood. Our 17 yr old has been working for the past year, pays his cell phone bill, does his own laundry, pays for and does all of his own maintenance on his vehicle, goes to school mon-fri, and is going to Auto tech school 3 hours a day.... We're very proud of him, and he can't wait to be on his own.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:12 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • It is my opinion that you are postponing the inevitable outcome. If he is not following rules at 22 years old it isn't likely he will start just because he has signed a "lease". If it were my child I would give him 90 days to find his own housing and offer to provide some financial assistance once he has moved out. Until you cut the apron strings he has no incentive to make any life changes. Since you are having to resort to this action a full year after he moved back home it seems like he knows you both are easy to manipulate and it doesn't seem like he is fearful of any repercussions.
    Daigen

    Answer by Daigen at 10:05 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I agree with the go back to school or get out/ find other lodging. If he goes back to school the $25 a week for rent can stay.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:25 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I would include a stipulation that he needs to keep his room clean and clean up after himself, and that he needs to do it without prompting from you - and then you stick to no prompting. Specify that if the mess gets to be more than what's reasonable (and be clear on what you consider reasonable), he will have 30 days to move out. I would increase the rent unless he's in school. I would make sure he's responsible for his own laundry, car care, etc., and include stipulations that he needs to do X around the house (dust the living room weekly, cook diner X nights a week, mow the lawn, etc.) so that he has some responsibility for the home that he is living in. I would also not allow any negotiation on the terms - you and your hubby decide them, and he either signs off or he moves out.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:35 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • You cannot have it both ways. Either act like you rent the room to just anyone or treat him like the son that moved back in. If he were a "real" tenant, he wouldn't get away with as much, but you also wouldn't tell a "real" tenant to clean his room. Make up your mind how this is going to be approached and stick with it.
    Tara_S

    Answer by Tara_S at 2:00 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • It sounds reasonable to me. I'd also put something in about a short but mandatory monthly sit-down where you all can talk about how things are going and anything that needs to be changed or kept up better.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:53 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Increase the rent
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:09 PM on Oct. 24, 2013