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Would you leave a spouse who cheated?

I'm just curious because this question comes up a LOT in answers. Often the standard reply is to leave, sprinkled in with a few "try a therapist" responses. I ask because I know women that would overlook it for financial reasons. They've decided in their minds that breaking up the assets isn't worth it. Is financial security so paramount that you'd overlook a cheater or does it depend on the circumstances? After all, a cheater is a cheater.

Not looking to judge, just wondering what people think. Go anon if you want. As for me, I'm on the fence about it.

 
jeanclaudia

Asked by jeanclaudia at 11:43 AM on Oct. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Level 32 (56,918 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • I stayed not because of money, we had none to speak of, but for a worse reason... I
    l o v e d him

    And of course he cheated again, just when I started to trust again
    I will not make this mistake again

    Once a cheater, always a cheater
    Do not care much rich the cheater is, still a cheater
    And with all that is put there, no. Money worth my life
    And sanity


    Men suck
    Not all, n
    But a good majority
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:13 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • With the way my husband is,if cheated,it would be the shock of a lifetime
    I wouldn't be able to look him in the face ever again. He'd be thrown out in a heartbeat. He was told in the very beginning,if he sticks it anywhere it doesn't belong,I'll cut it off!
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:47 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Cheating of any kind (merely emotionally, physically, etc) is a deal breaker in my marriage, yes.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 11:50 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I stayed the first time I found out he cheated - I was about to have my first child (literally, he was born a week after I found out), and people convinced me that I was hormonal and emotional and should wait to make a decision until the baby was born and my hormones had settled. I stayed after the second time I found he'd cheated, because I had no proof, only a feeling. But the third time he cheated, when my then 2 yr old son found and held out to me the condom he'd used with another woman, and he then tried to convince me he'd used it with me (in the backseat of our car) and I'd just forgotten (because I guess sex with a car seat digging into your back is easily forgotten), that was it. I was finished. I wished I'd left him after the first time, though then I wouldn't have my youngest son.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:57 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Proof of cheating, yes, I'd leave in a heartbeat.

    However, I have to admit that I did have suspicions that my husband was emotionally attached to someone for some time several years ago. I never had proof, and when I suggested it, of course he emphatically denied it. Idk if he really had an emotional affair, but I just had a weird gut feeling. I stayed because things seemed to get better after he left the situation and no longer had contact with the person. But... the damage was done, unfortunately, and who knows if it will have a long term effect on our marriage. I know our relationship is different now than it was before.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:07 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • If it was a one time one night stand type of thing I would probably stay, but not for financial reasons. I love my husband, even if he cheated once I would still love him. It would take a lot of time to repair the trust, but I would definitely try. However if it was a repeat thing I would leave regardless of my love. I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater". People can make mistakes and people can change, it just takes the desire to do so.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:10 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • That's a deal breaker for me... if he lived thru it.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:18 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Yes, I would have to leave. Trust really is the foundation to me and he would've lost it. Plus, we are pretty religious and I take that vow seriously.

    WhyPiggy

    Answer by WhyPiggy at 11:59 AM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I have no doubt what I would do...been married for 41 years and since the beginning I made it perfectly clear that cheating would not be tolerated or forgiven, so it would be a deal breaker for me and hubby knows this all too well.....betrayal is a no no in my book, and even though there is 41 years of love, it would not change how I feel about betrayal period.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:14 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • In my mind, cheaters are akin to liars. I despise liars. I think liars are the scum of the universe. That being said, when he married me, he promised me certain things, one of them being faithful to ME. To then go and have an extramarital affair, is an automatic 3 strikes for me. Strike one: you were unfaithful to me. Strike Two: you lied to me about your whereabouts and goings-on. Strike Three: You broke the promises you made to me when we got married.

    "A Man's honor is his word. A Man's word is his honor. Without these, we are poor men indeed." ~~Unknown.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:55 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

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