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4 Bumps

Yesterday he asked for the divorce and today

He called me in the morning and said that he didn't meant to and he was taking back all the things he said. I felt to him like I'm disposable. He promised me that he was not going to ask me for the divorce one more time and he didn't keep his promise. Last time I wrote about him telling me that I had to find another man and why I'm with him and some of you said that probably he was depressed. After I wrote in here about my problems he had to take me to the hospital because I had a very bad migraine. Had to receive 2 shots one for pain and nausea because I couldn't stop puking.

That day when we were at the hospital there was a possibility I could be pregnant but it was negative it was migraine because of the stress. I can't process things right now because one day we're talking about having a baby and the other day about divorce. I don't feel stable enough to even consider bring another baby to this world if the next day he's talking about divorce. I'm scared and don't know how to handle and process the information.

I can't talk with him about our problems because the first solution that he seeks is for divorce. How can I feel secure with him? I'm so down right now and just venting.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Oct. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Do not have a baby with this man, at least not any time soon. Make sure you are on a reliable form of birth control!
    The two of you need marital counseling. It sounds like this has gone way further than what the two of you are equipped to deal with. If he isn't willing to go, it doesn't sound like this relationship has any kind of stable future.

    Answer by missanc at 2:05 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • It is not ok for anyone to play with your feelings like this. You need to make up your mind if this is worth it for you. IMO, you should leave. Not only is this yo-yo game not ok, now you are suffering physically and ending up in the hospital. Please take the time to think about what you want. Would it be a relief and easier to just walk away? Or are you willing to just deal with it? No one should have to deal with this.


    Answer by Tara_S at 2:06 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • If you have no children with this man then why do you stay with him?

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:07 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • You both need a full physical.
    What I am hearing from your post is that he is having problems with his self worth. This can be caused by hormonal imbalances as well as emotional. In some way he feels like a failure and maybe wanting the divorce to free you for a better person. An unselfish (if misguided) act of love.
    You need to manage your stress. Easy to say and harder to do but it can be done. I know from experience the times spent in the ER, doctor's office and missing out on life due to migraines.

    Then I would suggest a counselor. You need to communicate, not just say words and hear them, but speak and actually be heard and understood (both of you) You need some work on goals and expectations of yourselves and each other. Are you wanting to travel the same road or are you pulling against each other to go down different paths? Are you trying to go down the same path but thinking you are not?


    Answer by Dardenella at 2:08 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Do you love him? Is it worth it to you to find out if there are fixable problems and work on them?
    The answers can only come from you.

    BTW the migraines are not his fault.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:09 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Call his bluff. The next time, or now, that he asks for a divorce, give him one. You can do all the paperwork yourself. Have it all printed off and filled out, minus the date. The next time he plays the I-want-a-divorce card, date the papers and hand them to him.

    Divorce is NOT a bargaining chip in an argument. It is NOT something that you just throw out there to hurt the other person. Divorce is something you do when ALL other options have been explored and tried and there is just nothing left in the relationship. It sounds to me like YOU are pretty close to having nothing left in this relationship.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:09 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I see it as he doesn't want you any more. If he keeps bring up divorce. Find a way out of the relationship. Maybe you will not have so many migraines.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:11 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Birth control and marriage counseling.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:15 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • He needs to knock that scare tactic off the table and you need to gain some independence.

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:17 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Why are you making someone a priority who only sees you as an option?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:27 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

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