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What is your opinion on this situation?

Do you think it is "ok" for a child to spend three 11 hours days in a daycare every other week when the mother of the child is readily available? The child is in the "care" of the father while the child would be attending daycare during those times. Opinions.....

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Oct. 24, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • If the child is in the care of his father, then he wouldn't be in daycare. Do you mean that his father would have him for those days and would leave him in daycare for 11 hours three days in a row? I think that's a long time for a child to be in daycare. Not to mention the cost.

    Is this the ex that won't compromise on a visitation schedule? I think that amount of time in day care is unreasonable and if you are available to watch your son then you should be allowed to.  You should have right of first refusal.  


    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:05 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • You should have right of first refusal.

    ^^^ This, you need to get your CO reworked so it has that clause. That way you get your child if the dad isn't with him.

    Answer by kmath at 11:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • I would wonder what the point of visitation would be for the father if the child was in daycare for all of his waking hours anyway. It seems to me he should figure out a more logical schedule so he could have the kid when they can actually spend time together.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:28 PM on Oct. 24, 2013

  • Is this a divorced couple? During his custodial time he has the child in daycare?

    11 hours does seem like a long time but then it is only 3 days a week and he has the remaining time all day to be with the child npt a bad arrangement.

    If you are the ex wife you can ask him if he would like you to have her with you those days. If I were him, I would then say I would want the other days that I am off then with the child.

    A compromise might benefit both of you and the child, but the child is getting socialization.

    Just a question, does this mean that you do not have a job? If you do where is the child while you work?

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:02 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • I wanted to keep the question broad to get honest opinions.

    I am the wife, my ex husband (I just filed) works 5 days a week (including EVERY weekend) and also long hours. I came up with a schedule where he would be able to see her however it would only be court ordered that he has visitation rights every other weekend and Wednesday/Wednesday overnight. I would therefore be considered the primary caregiver and he HATES that because he believes we should be equal. I know if the courts agree on shared care they will do every other week because that is what is "recommended" in my state. Do you think the courts would consider his work schedule and the daycare situation when looking at our case?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:09 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • He needs to stop thinking of his daughter as one of his belongings and start thinking of her as his child. Visitation by both parents is arranged for the child's good. If he's putting her in daycare for such long days he obviously cannot be thinking of her good, only about himself. How is she getting any good from being in daycare all the time? I can only echo the others' concerns - 11 hours per day is an extremely long time. Please, please, please ask for the right of first refusal. The right of first refusal means that, if the father can't take care of her himself during his visitation periods that you are the first person he must turn to to take her before turning to a babysitter or day care.

    Answer by goldpandora at 2:31 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • I think you need to get the advice of a good Domestic Relations attorney. I would like to think the courts would use some common sense on this one. Sounds like he's trying to get out of paying child support. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:43 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • As a single mom, there were points when my kids had to spend 10-11 hours a day at daycare, 5 days a week. I had to work, in order to feed and clothe them and give them a place to live. So I'm not going to sit here and say that 3 11 hour days is horrible. No, it's not ideal, but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

    I do think you should try to get it in the order that you be allowed to take the children instead of daycare - but, if you're going to do that, be prepared to be constantly available for that. I don't know about your area, but my area does not have drop in daycare, I'd have to pay for and use a full week or nothing at all. If you can't be constantly available for that, maybe look into another relative, like a grandparent or a cousin or something, that could do it - then you'd both have childcare readily available that you trust, and it's not a daycare, so the hours wouldn't be so horrible.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:09 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • In this situation. You two should work it out. That when he is at work. You keep the kid/s, so they do not have to be put in day care.. If you are available to do that.. Why waist money on daycare, when you do not need to. He can just come pick them up when he gets off work.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:56 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • Unfortunately, the courts are probably going to say that he has a right to have her and that the job he has that helps to provide for her shouldn't penalize him.

    I agree with you that she would be best off in your care, but the courts don't always see it that way. Maybe you will get a judge who sees it differently, it is up to the judge. I'm so sorry, I've been where you are.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:02 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

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