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So my child is good enough to break bread with in our own home, but not at school?!

Some of my 11 y/o's so-called friends wouldn't let her sit w/ them at the lunch table. A couple of these girls have spent the night at our house numerous times. I know this is a difficult age, but I just don't get it. Luckily my child has plenty of friends to sit with, but I know this hurt her feelings.

What do you think? If you've dealt with this kind of behavior, how did you handle it?


Asked by mrsmom110 at 7:30 AM on Oct. 25, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 48 (284,686 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I would probably stay out of it and let my child handle it for the most part. My involvement, I think, would extend to refusing to allow those children in my home, simply because I don't knowingly allow people who behave in a two-faced fashion into my home. And I would probably mention that to my child, just kind of casually, plant the thought. But I'd let my child decide if they think the friend is worth putting up with the behavior.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:46 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • That age is HARD and from what I saw with my kids- they can change friends daily/weekly! One day everything is fine and the next...ugh

    If she has other friends and there is no actual bullying going on, let it be. It's hard to watch them go through, but I think it's normal for the age

    seems to go on for a couple years or so (middle school-ish)

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:02 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • Yea, let your child deal with it. If she come to you for advice on it. Give her some. But leave it alone.
    Kids go back and forth with the " I love ,I hate you thing."

    Answer by louise2 at 8:21 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • Unfortunately that's something that comes and goes all the way through school. I remember that from my school days. You like each other one day and hate each other the next. Sounds like typical girl stuff... don't let it bother you. This is when you take the opportunity to teach your daughter to notice that one child sitting by themselves at lunch and realize how they, too, are feeling.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:32 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • Behavior like that has always been around. I did it to " friends" and had it done to me. It's usually because one person in the group doesn't like the person

    Answer by funlovinlady at 7:33 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • I agree with the above, stay out of it. :(

    Answer by Bmat at 8:13 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • Kids can be so mean. :( Give her a hug.

    Answer by augsmom at 8:55 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • As a kid I have had that happen a time or two. Usually resulting from a falling out between me and another friend. Eventually things get worked out.

    For my kids? I know some of the other neighbor friends have excluded them from things, but I don't allow my kids to exclude others. I remind them to think of how they would feel if they were the one excluded and they get it.  If they refuse to allow full participation I make them stay home.  


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:29 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • This is something that regardless of age you have to learn to deal with. There are people today that will talk to me in one setting and when they are with someone else ignore me. Age hasn't anything to do with it other then at 12/13 you are just learning how to deal with it. I'd leave her alone and just make sure she's ok. If there comes a time that she says I don't want them over here anymore then allow that to happen. Friends change often at that age.

    Answer by baconbits at 9:53 AM on Oct. 25, 2013

  • It's hard as hell to sit back and watch. But it sounds like your little girl is a pretty tough customer. Hopefully she'll keep holding her head up and get through the middle school years okay, and the mean girl stuff usually eases off some in high school.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:11 PM on Oct. 25, 2013