Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Advise-ASAP

I feel such bad mom...I told so many bad things to my daughter... but frankly I am also SOOOO disappointed in her. I need advice on what to do... She is nine years old. It started in the morning...my daughter did not want to go swimming, she yelled and cried, but then decided to go, she swam well, but still was almost the last... Later the day went normal, we ate played ping pong, did laundry and then she asked to carve the pumpkin. We never did it before and I was fairly tired...She felt this is hard and dirty and did not want to finish, she refused to clean up and did not want to put a candle to fire it because it required effort, the candle kept falling down.
Then we wanted to play Yatzeee, a new game she got, but she REFUSED to read instructions, she told mom, you do it, I read and asked her to read, offered her to read paragraph she, paragraph me, she crawled away, then took the game away without even trying to read.
Here I broke, I start tell her how stupid she is and how I disappointed in her, that she is stubborn and lazy, she was crying and stating she hates me and I told her I hate her back...I could not stop, I NEVER was that negative and disappointed toward my daughter. Why could not she read simple instruction...Why I could not stop tell her I don't love her, even though I want the best for her more than anything else. I spend all my money on her-music, art, math tutor, chess club and more in order that she will be well educated and succeed in life...Luckily her dad took her away for a walk that I could quiet down
Why she is so unmotivated to persist in doing simple things and what happen to me what kind of devil entered into me...HELP.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Oct. 26, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (34)
  • You need to appologize. She is being a normal kid having a bad day or a lazy day. My kids do that sometimes too. Especially when they are feeling overwhelmed with a busy schedule.
    In the future, try counting to 10 before you say anything in response to her. Send her to her room. Or you leave the room. Collect yourself and then respond reasonably but firmly.
    She knows you love her and you know she loves you. She is too young to fully appreciate the things you are providing her. Right now it just feels like an obligation to her, not a privilege that will put her ahead of others.
    Give yourself a little break. We all have bad parenting days, just like kids have bad days. Just appologize and tell her what you were feeling at that time. That you wanted her to feel the hurt that you felt when she spoke to you that way, while instantly regretting making her feel that way.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:58 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • You are the stupid bitch and you need to be a grown up walk up to your poor daughter and tell her you are having a bad day and pmsing. Tell her you took out everything you feel about yourself on her and tell her sometimes girls get crazy and that she will be having emotional moods soon and today was a worst as it gets day. Tell her you have been expecting to much from her and you will ease up on all the activities you put her in. You are the problem and you hate yourselves not her she needs to know that, I wish I could shake you right now. Fix yourself before you damage that girl any further all the activities in the world does not equal success. Love and believing in yourself equals success

    pinkparcel

    Answer by pinkparcel at 10:03 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • That is beyond cruel. She is a child being a child. They are butts sometime but you are the mother. Lead by example.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 10:20 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • You are not of American descent, are you?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:35 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • that's pretty messed up, you have some serious damage control to do!
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 10:49 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • I apologized to my daughter, she came happy from the store with her dad. Yet, now she sits with her i-pad listening for Victoria Justice songs, instead of 30 minutes reading and neither me, nor her dad can make her to read, she tells that she will read tomorrow for an hour...I don't know, I feel so helpless to deal with her stubbornness. She has other homework for extra credit, all it requires is to write three sentences, but no...she absolutely refuses to do so. I am exhausted...
    No, I am not from US , why that even important.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:51 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • You can't erase those words you said to your daughter. They'll be in her memory for the rest of her life. What's done is done. But you can apologize to her and really mean it, and that will go a long way toward taking the power out of the things you said. Don't make excuses for yourself, don't justify why you said what you said or felt what you felt, don't beat around the bush. Just say, "I'm sorry I said awful and untrue things to you. No one deserves that. I didn't mean I hated you; in fact, I love you more than anything in the world." Then listen, because if she'll talk to you, she might have some insightful things to say about why she acted the way she did. It was a bad day for both of you, but good can eventually come out of it if you communicate honestly with your daughter, and listen twice as much as you talk.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:53 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • Why are you blaming her? She's the kid and you're the mother.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 11:01 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • I have to say, if I were driving my kids to do homework on the weekends (specifically Saturday) they would protest as well. Just like adults need a day off, kids do too. Drive them too hard and they will dig their heels in.

    The good thing is that you, as a parent, have control over some things in her life. While you can't make her read, you can remove distractions from her so that reading becomes a more viable option (take away the iPad and make her earn time on it). She is only 9. She has no idea what the real world is like. Give her some responsibilities and make her earn her privileges so that she appreciates them more.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:02 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

  • Oh, and now you take the computer away from her and if she won't read, you have her sit for thirt minutes anyway. Enforce the rules, don't negotiate like that.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:18 PM on Oct. 26, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN