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Anyone grow up with a mentally ill parent?

I did and it sucks. I am trying to talk about it and I am just shocked at what I had to endure and what negative behavior I have learned from her. I am in therapy to hash this stuff out. I don't want my son to have a ill parent. The fact that I grew up with so little (love and material things) still makes me feel some type of way. I tend to get angry when ai think of the basic things I didnt have. For example, she rarely bought me clothes (never mind the proper size or in style) and if I did get something she was mad about it or ai could never appreciate it (didn't know how). With my son I always try make sure he has well fitting clothes and presentable...something so nasic but since I never had it it means a lot to me. I hate that basic things were neber given to me making it top priority in my life now. I would like to focus on other things. Anyway anyone else go through a childhood with that type of parent? Whag do you do to let yourself know you are better than where you came from?

Answer Question

Asked by Jazmineamomma at 10:31 AM on Oct. 27, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,302 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • So your issue is you had cloths. But they didn't fit and where out of style? Was it that your parents did not have the funds? Just didn't buy you cloths? Did you have food to eat or where you starving all the time? Was your mom really crazy or you just thought she was.
    I ask because my DDs will say mostly the same thing about me. I am not crazy. Even though they did not get exactly what kind of cloth they wanted. They did get cloths to wear, new cloths.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:51 AM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • No she never put in the effort, past a certain age, to get me anything. She wasn't rich and ciuld have went to thrift stores and make it work. She just didn't. You go through growth spurts so you need clothes that fit. It's more than clothes. It's that she didn't put effort into taking care of me. Prom, I didn't go for a few reason (didn't feel pretty enough and didn't have a date) she wouldn't even try to get me a dress. I takked about prom and how all if my friends were going but she shrugged it off. She ciuld have father for the money, asked a pal if there daughters had a dress I could borrow, make a dress, thrift store, etc. It's not the clothes it is the lack of care and effort that really stuck with me. When your parent shows they don't care eniugh to even try it made me feel unworthy of things.

    Comment by Jazmineamomma (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • I am so glad you are in therapy. Be careful not to over commensate for your own children because of what you have been through. Be with people who care for you and support you. Know you are loved and important. Take good care of yourself. hug.

    Answer by silverthreads at 11:19 AM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • I think it's a continuum. My parents were good parents in many ways (i.e., they often were able to translate their loving feelings into loving behavior, their good intentions into fruitful interaction.) Still, both of them had baggage that left them preoccupied & unable to do that (to translate their love & good intentions into constructive actions that would have helped me) in big, key areas. They failed me in serious ways, and they neglected certain things, leaving me with problems/issues on both counts. Yes, there's a "legacy." The coping mechanisms can lead to dysfunctional patterns that take mindfulness & energy to "correct." I work hard at healing--both to be healthier & so that I don't unintentionally pass along baggage. (Which is what happened to our parents.)
    It sounds like your mom was even more preoccupied with her "old unfinished business," thus much more impaired. I am glad you've formed a therapeutic alliance!

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:36 AM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • im someone with mental illness and im concern about passing it down to my son or daughter... im just so glad god have blessed me and my wife with a child... we will deal with it...

    Answer by simms128 at 2:06 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • clothes

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • I think my mom is bipolar undiagnosed. Now that I know what that is she showed many of the signs

    Answer by RobinChristine at 3:38 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • My grandmother was bipolar and it was very hard for my dad when he was growing up. Somehow he managed to put his sadness, disappointment, and anger behind him and raise me and my brother in a positive, loving way. There was a lot of support within my dad's extended family and that is what made it bearable for him. I think that you should continue to go to therapy and raise your kids in a home that reflects the best you can be and provide. GL

    Answer by tessiedawg at 3:51 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • Im not sure why she won't get help..guess facing the problem is scary. I want ti kick it iut of my life. I want to raise my sin differently. I want ti teach him things so he can be self-sufficient and loving. Basic stuff my mother never taught, money, men, womanhood. I do wish I would have been married before having a kid but whatever. I want a life free from irrational feara/thoughts. So many in the black community do not believe in mental illness so don't get help unless it is court appointed (it's kinda far gone by that point). I don't want ti be a victim (I see my mother as that) and working in coping skills. Since I will never get the living support I crave from family I have to give myself it and make my family a super strong support system.

    Comment by Jazmineamomma (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

  • very reminiscent of my mom... I feel for you terribly. I live life in trial and error since she taught me almost nothing. I can even relate to the clothes things... I was bought a training bra in 3rd grade and that was *IT* til I begged, borrowed and stole bigger ones in middle school. If your brain is broken you simply cannot parent properly. Unless you've been there you really cannot understand.

    as your child grows and reaches milestones and levels you never did, you sort of can grow w/ them. I had my 1st smores, hayride, and so much more with my husband and kids. It's weird but it's better than nothing. 2nd chances rock :)

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:16 PM on Oct. 27, 2013

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