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My controlling alcoholic ex husband wants to meet my fiancé need feedback

I think this is a way for him to just be controlling because he does not know how to be any other way. We do have a child together. My fiancé has no desire to meet him nor have any conversation with him. Which I don't blame him at all as he knows all the past I had with him and does not like him at all. What are your thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Kaseyc13

Asked by Kaseyc13 at 8:45 PM on Oct. 28, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (12)

  • just say no
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:47 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • well if you plan to marry this man perhaps meeting your fiancé will show him his control is over, they will most likely have to interact at some point. Your fiancé needs to be very firm with his introduction as is not look like your ex can push him around. YOU need to be the one to guide the meeting not your ex, you just say for now you don't feel it is time for them to meet. Then you decide a time and a place and YOU dictate what happens.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 8:50 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • What does your custody agreement say? Does he have visitation, joint custody, none?
    If he has any contact with his child your fiancé is going to end up meeting him at some point. Why build up a problem? It is not going to change your minds is it? If there is that possibility, maybe this fiancé is not for you and you should know it before getting married.
    Your ex has nothing to say about whom you marry unless he is a pedophile or you were moving . Then he could go to court for custody, but that is it.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 8:54 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • If the shoe were on the other foot, would you want to meet the woman who would be a prominent part of your child's life? I think it's understandable.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • My experience is these meetings only work if both parties are rational people focused on being cordial for the sake of the children. If this does not describe everyone concerned then say no. Otherwise it's just a platform for drama
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 9:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • He's your ex husband. He lost the privilege to meet your friends.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:24 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • I would be tempted to let them meet in a neutral location. Your fiancé will be spending time with your child so it's better to make someone an advocate instead of an enemy.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:46 PM on Oct. 28, 2013

  • Does your ex see your kids? If so, I think him meeting your fiance is probably a good idea - maybe not right now, but eventually. I think they'd end up meeting anyway, so it's better to do it when you can schedule and control it, rather than it being an unplanned "oops, fiance was supposed to be at work when ex picked up the kids but that didn't happen after all" kind of thing. It doesn't have to be some long, drawn out meeting, just a quick, "John, this is Joe. Joe, this is John. Say hi to the kids. Okay, we have plans. See ya around!" and hit the road.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:27 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • once the words "you better (do this) (do that) (be this way)" come out of his mouth, its time to leave.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:47 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • Find a way to get along for the child.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2013

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