Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Out of control kids!! Help!!

My kids are 4 and 6. I'm a single mother and don't get much help from their dad and no one else wants to deal with them, because of how they act.
My mornings are crazy I try it get then both around to get my oldest to school well my youngest "doesn't want to go" so he sits there and won't get dressed or shoes on etc then all day long my youngest is always whining or demanding stuff or being a cling on..litterly I can't do anything without him pretty much glued to me and i try to give him some coloring books or something to do so I can clean but nothing works. Then I pick my daughter up from school and within 5 min their pullin on each other's clothes n fighting in back seat or yelling I'm hungry and I say wait till we get home thorn I get screamed at or they whine and say I want it now then it's an argue over supper they say what they want I make it and when it gets put infront of them they scream and say they wanted the other thing then I try to get them to pick up their toys and they stare at me or say I don't want to or no you do it then it comes time for bed which is the hardest part of the day. I can't get the to stay in their own beds they get up saying...hungry thirsty don't like my bed scared of wind rain tummy hurts basically any excuse they've said it
It's always the same thing every day. I've tried every thing I can thing of to get them to listen....take toys away, throw toys away, asking nicely, saying if you clean up I'll let you watch some tv, don't believe in spanking but did try once with one swat but they laughed at me, corner or timeout don't work they spend their time screaming as loud as possible at me and I don't like to yell but that don't work either
I never give into their demands you would think after a few times of asking and not getting they would stop....nope not mine they get louder and even more demanding
Idk what to do anymore I didn't figure my kids would not listen to me this bad till teen years
Any tips??
Anyone else have kids like this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Oct. 29, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Your children need clearly defined boundaries that are consistently enforced. We spanked for disrespect and blatant disobedience. It sounds like you need some help in getting your authority established with these children. If you can't afford to pay for help, call your local churches, many of whom offer professional counseling for free.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:28 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • See if there is a parenting class being offered. They might be listed when you dial 211.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:25 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • You need to watch some episodes of Supernanny!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:36 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • A parenting class might help. Also read about dealing with strong willed children. Your library should have some books on it. But you need to take back control. Make it clear what is, and is not, allowed. Stay CALM and matter of fact. Fix one thing for dinner and they either eat it or not. Period! Don't be a short order cook for them.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:03 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • Also, many times kids go for the negative attention when they do not get enough positive attention. Make sure you give each child some individual attention throughout the day. Even just cuddling each for a few minutes makes a difference. Praise them when they do something right. Make them your partners when doing something like helping with dinner, folding clothes, anything & everything.

    Have a consistent bedtime routine that is calm and soothing and then take them back to their bed over and over until they see you will not give in to their demands. Do not talk after saying "it's bedtime" the first time. Do it over and over....night after night......no talking. STAY CALM and matter of fact. You WILL win, but you must stay committed and not vary from the new approach.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:07 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • Stop worrying about picking things up for the time being. Don't talk about it ,just let it go for now. Don't tell them you are letting it go. Don't allow any food in rooms other than the kitchen and don't stress about the mess for now. You have other more important things to take care of. We used to close the door to our kids' rooms and let them deal with any mess. They eventually would have a cleaning day and pick things up. Now, granted, it was when they were a little older than your two, but you can stand some mess right now until you get other things under control.

    Get some good parenting books out of the library.

    Make sure you tell your kids how much you love them, make them your partner for doing everything and anything....even helping pick out items in the grocery store, etc. Praise, praise, praise when they do good and become a strong, calm, new mom!! GL
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:14 AM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • You are having a hard time & I am sorry! I know it is hard to make positive changes in the tone of your home once you are stressed & frustrated to this degree. I hope venting helps, some.

    On the practical level of suggestions, I would focus on making room for how they feel. (Rather than trying to solve the problem of their negative feelings, or "answering" them with a yes/no.)
    Big one: them yelling "I'm hungry!" in the backseat. Instead of responding with a solution or retort, such as telling them they have to wait until you get home (we'll be home soon, etc.), focus on making room for how they feel! First response is acknowledgment. How they're hungry, how it's hard to be hungry & feeling impatient.
    Can you tolerate their miserableness & discomfort, and any complaint that results? Do you think they can tolerate the experience? Start by actually tolerating it, without "answering" the problem & sending a solution.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:41 PM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • Some of it is the age. People talk about the terrible twos, and how difficult thre-year-olds can be, but nobody told me four- and five-year-olds are crazy. I cried just last night because my daughter is in the screaming about everything phase.

    That being said, staying calm does help immensely. Raising your voice in response to a screaming child only escalates the situation. Ask your children to do something, like get ready for bed, and then the world stops till they do it. The TV goes off, toys that aren't put down go in time-out. Not the kids, the toys. No matter what they say or do, repeat like a broken record, "It's bedtime. Please brush your teeth. It's bedtime, please brush your teeth." Let them see you are calm and polite, but firm. If they get up, put them back in bed. You don't have to be angry, just persistent.

    I learned a lot from the parenting series Love and Logic. You can find info online.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:12 PM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • You really need to start thinking NATURAL CONSEQUENCES. If they start fighting in the car, pull over and stop. Tell them clearly one time, "as soon as your calm, we'll go home". Then just sit there. Pull a book out and read totally ignoring what they say or do. After a few minutes ask them again. Stay calm and never buy into their tantrums. Same thing at dinner. If they fuss take their food and put it on the counter. Tell them dinner will be there when they're calm then just calmly go about your meal. You are modeling proper behavior. Do this for every negative behavior. You will be teaching them to monitor their own reactions. Their fits will be fierce at first but will die down. Gl
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 4:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2013

  • I totally employed techniques I saw on Super Nanny when my kids were little and we really stayed consistent. It worked. Some good advice here but it's on you to implement them and stay tough. You should really do it though or your life will be out of control. It's worth a few weeks of hell to get them on the right track.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:16 AM on Oct. 30, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN