So my Sister & her DH are causing my family nothing but upset. Basically my BIL is in a temporary Nursing Facility because he drank himself until he damaged his brain. He has alcoholic dementia. He cannot walk, he slurs words he can say, drools & soils himself all day. This is caused by years & years of self abuse.
My Dad got him a really good job yet he ruined it for himself. My Sister just went along for the ride & also indulged as well. The took trips they could not afford, ate out nearly every night, did foolish spending. Now this is where she sits. Next to his bed staring at him in despair. She will lose her home shortly. Yet is still trying to maintain her lifestyle including hair & nails done once a week, a gardener (who my Mom had to pay) etc.
Last year around this time, it was my Son's Birthday (in the afternoon) & my BIL was so drunk it was embarrassing in front of the other Mom's & Dad's at the Party I gave for my Son. I sat my sister down later & said enough is enough. You have to do something, his eyes are yellow, his liver is shot. he needs a rehab. I pleaded. She said "I need him to work or I can't pay the mortgage". I kept trying to make her get help for him to no avail.
His Mother has nearly lost her marbles because she is a drinker & is self medicating more than usual. My Mother cries all day over this. My Sister is slowly draining my Mother of her funds. She calls my Mother crying & begs for money so my Mom cannot say no (she says).
My other Sister & I are so upset now too. It's like my Sister & BIL lived for the day while all of us worked & took care of things. We don't ask anyone for money. We didn't vacation & spend like them yet we are forced to suffer their pain!?
I am angry about this & I do not want what THEY did to effect me as it has. I can't sleep & I have terrible dreams when I do. I am generally a very happy person who does not display to the world any issues I may have. I went through surgeries & cancer without them helping me with the kids either. So this is really just a vent & thanks for reading but do you think I am wrong for the anger I have? Am I wrong for not wanting to hear my Mom cry over this each day? Is it wrong to separate myself from this situation? WWYD?
BTW I'm a regular (ILove********)
I just went anon so it doesn't come up on google :P
Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Oct. 29, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by Ballad at 2:32 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
I really don't know what to say. There isn't much you can do to force her to accept and deal with reality. There are just some people like that and nothing short of being forced out of their home can wake them up to what is going on, and even then it's questionable if they really get the magnitude of the situation. The only thing you can do is try to forgive her (as in realize that she is not dealing with things and that when she finally does she may have nothing left to her name), but to also draw a boundary to what you will respond to. This goes for your mother as well. When she calls you to complain or cry, just tell her that she needs to speak to an accountant because there is nothing you can do for her. Do the same with your sister. As long as your mother enables her irresponsible habits, nothing will change.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it's got to be hard to watch this happen to loved ones.
Answer by QuinnMae at 5:14 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 3:20 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by Rosehawk at 3:54 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
And wanted to add that Yes, I think it's perfectly natural to feel angry about the situation. Perhaps when your mother calls to complain or cry about the situation, you should remind her that you don't have enough room for all of them so she better make sure she doesn't risk her own home.
Sometimes a little tough love goes a long way with some people. Unfortunately this is a huge problem and it won't be solved easily.
Answer by QuinnMae at 5:19 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 1:29 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 1:39 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by staciandababy at 2:50 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
Answer by fiatpax at 5:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2013
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