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5 Bumps

Am I Being Abused Without Realizing It?

Over the past few months, I feel like my marriage is deteriorating. We had some family issues, but we worked through those and resolved them. Things have been much better! However, DH will randomly come up to me and say that if I ever cheat on him he'll kill me. When I laughed it off like a joke, he repeated it. Creepy! A month before that he made a joke(?) about burying me in the backyard. He seems to be more controlling over me leaving the house without the kids as well. I never go anywhere, maybe 4 times last year, and trying to have a dinner with my Mom friends is like going out clubbing to him. He got angry the other day because I wanted to go somewhere for a couple hours and started screaming. He was in my face so close that his spit was hitting me. I didn't even yell back. He carried on, told me I was crazy and psycho, and then told me he was leaving me. Then, he didn't talk to me the rest of the night. This was the night after he threatened to kill me if I ever cheated. He woke me up today and apologized, but I have a very unsettling feeling. It crossed my mind that maybe he's abusive and I'm blind to it. Or maybe he has some weird sense of humor? Or maybe he's insecure? I'm not sure what to think so I'm hoping to get an outside perspective.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Oct. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (29)
  • These are called threats of bodily harm. I would go to the police and leave him.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:32 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • seems to me you answered your own question, now what are you prepared to do about it?

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 2:33 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • Was he like this before you married him? Were your family issues related to cheating in any way? What made him bring up the subject of cheating out of the blue? Have you sat down & tried to talk to him about his insecurities regarding you? Were you attracted to him because of his possessiveness & now it's getting old? Missing a lot of info to help here.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:35 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • Yes. This is abuse.
    And he's probably the one cheating!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:45 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • yes

    Answer by 3girlys at 2:46 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • Time to get some help, for sure. These are not things that should be ignored. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I would first assume that he is crying out for help, and that's what I would offer first. There are lots of places you can go for free counseling that will benefit you both. Start making some phone calls today and find one of them.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:46 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • The family issues were regarding my stepson. There is no cheating to my knowledge. he was cheated on in the past and his parents had infidelity issues as well. He was never this way until recently. In the past year, I've have thought about leaving twice. I never told him of my thoughts. Both times I've thought about leaving are the times he's threatened me. I can't talk to him about anything because it immediately turns into him screaming at me. He won't even listen, he just flies off the deep end!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • Yes, you are being emotionally abused. Not all abuse is physical.

    Answer by 3libras at 2:58 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • I believe it is only going to get worse, and in most cases, when the other starts to get a little obsessive of YOU cheating on THEM, they've already cheated on you, or are STILL cheating on you, and have a guilty conscience. Has he ever jokingly made violent threats towards you before? Like, is that a normal thing for him to do, or just something he's taken up??

    Answer by ShadeTheSpade at 3:01 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

  • The threats just started over the summer. There have only been a few and they seem to be very random. He says them when we aren't fighting. They just come out of the blue. Literally, out of nowhere!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:04 PM on Oct. 30, 2013

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