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my husband treat me like a kid. he screemed at me and swearing. what should i do. i have 3 kids plus step daughter. i work hard everyday to help my family. any advice?

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rubyred905

Asked by rubyred905 at 5:11 AM on Nov. 1, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Has he always been a yeller or is it new behavior? What happened just before he yelled at you? Have you discussed his yelling with him? We need more information than this. Anybody can lose control on occasion. Also, it's easier to see the faults in others than to see them in ourselves. You and he need to have a serious discussion about his yelling and the possibility that you are driving him to yell. One is no worse than the other.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:33 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • He treats you the way you let him treat you. If you would just stand up to him. He would stop.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:41 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • It's not a way to treat anybody, even if they are a child. It's my opinion that treating people in an authoritarian way is the problem, not treating an adult that way ("like a child") instead of reserving the behavior for children!

    It is dysfunctional but not unusual.

    Figure out what you don't like & don't wish to tolerate, and start taking action. The behavior is happening for a reason. Showing understanding for that reason (just recognizing that there IS one!) is more helpful than condemning him, but you can also be clear about your personal limits.

    If this isn't the way you want to interact whenever there's a conflict, then decide that for yourself & let him know. Tell him that it reliably happens (good intentions or not), that you understand it's happening for a reason (because he doesn't know a better way to handle his feelings when he's overwhelmed), but that it's not okay with you & you want to seek help to change.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:02 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • Most adults (legal adults, physiological adults) have maturing to do when it comes to their ability to regulate their emotions. Many adults reach physical maturity without having reached emotional maturity. It is a fact of life, given our society. Many of us don't get the support (in childhood) to develop emotional regulation. Instead, we learn to repress our emotions. That is how we get by.
    This serves us well enough until we are in domestic relationships (as parents & partners) dealing with the emotions of others & getting "triggered" by them.
    It's all on a continuum, depending on our experiences in childhood & the degree to which we had to dissociate from our own emotional experience. The behavior you describe happens when he reaches the limits of his self-regulation capacity. The limit can shift/change depend on his level of stress.
    People just need support & the right conditions to allow growth & change. Counseling helps!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:24 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • That's abuse sweetie.
    You like being a doormat? Stay
    Otherwise if nothing changes, nothing changes.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:52 PM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • My advice..leave. Start planning it now so that you can begin to make arrangements to leave him. No matter how long it takes, start planning now. Then, when you can, leave. You should not have to put up with that. And the kids are learning all the wrong ways to have a healthy relationship, boys or girls.
    WhyPiggy

    Answer by WhyPiggy at 2:19 PM on Nov. 4, 2013

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