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3 Bumps

I want to adopt but Hubby has 3 OLD felonies (DWI, manufacturing marijuana and second degree assault)

My husband has 3 old (10+ years ago) felonies, he is not the same person as he was then he was in his early 20's and young and stupid. We have been together 9 years and he has had no charges not so much as a traffic ticket since we got together. He is a good man now who works hard to support me and pay $700 a month in child support to his ex for his 2 teenaged sons who she wont even let him see because she is spitefull, he hasnt seen his sons since they were 1 and 3. I have fertility issues and have just had my third miscarriage. I want to look into adoption, but I am pretty sure we will not be able to because of his past... So I am desperate for a child, I want to be a mom more than I have or will ever want anything and I went into "how can I make this work?" mode... Please dont think I am a bad person for thinking this because I'm not, I am desperate and have limited options. I am seriously considering getting a temporary divorce just until an adoption is final (because single women can adopt in my state) then getting re-married in a year or so... Hubby would be "living with a friend" for a while so he has a separate residence. I have heard if you have no disputes in a divorce and are not fighting over anything a divorce can be pretty quick. I have a clean record and am a former pre-school teacher so I should have no problem adopting and I wand to adopt a young child (3-6 years) and I am ok with mild special needs so its not like I am gonna be waiting forever for a baby. Would this even work?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Nov. 1, 2013 in Adoption

Answers (36)
  • Talk to a lawyer. This sounds complicated and may not even be necessary.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 10:33 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • I dont' think it's as simple as just being single. You have to prove that you are able to take care of a child by yourself (physically and financially).

    Have you consulted with adoption agencies or thought about fostering?
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:33 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • Would this even work?

    Sounds like a waste of time and money. There are private adoptions.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 10:35 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • @QuinnMae If I go back to work I would be able to prove I could support myself and a child. I want to be a stay at home mom and invest all my time into my child so I would quit again after we "got back together". I am a former pre-school teacher with fantastic references so I can prove that I am physically able to care for a child. I have many parents from when I owned my own home daycare who would tell anyone that I am the only person non-relative that they would trust enough to leave their child with. I am not sure I could do foster care... I have enough emotional damage from having my own babies ripped away too soon, I dont know if I could handle getting attached to a child ony to have them go back to their biological parents when the situation is better. Plus I am pretty sure you cant foster with a felony either...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:03 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • First, you need therapy. Emotional damage? How were your babies ripped away from you? Miscarriages? Most of the Women here have had multiple miscarriages including myself & I do not consider myself emotionally damaged. It's nature. BTW why can't you go on to have more children yourself? It happens you know!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • I am thinking that divorcing to get a baby is pretty messed up, you married the man knowing his back ground. I am sorry, I am all for adoption if its right but if you are willing to commit fraud which is basically what you would be doing to *get around* the system, what else are you willing to do??

    Not all felonies will stop you from getting approved for adoption, I suggest you try the HONEST way.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 11:23 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • Have you called and consulted with adoption agencies about what qualifies adults to adopt?  As mentioned, there is also private adoption.  


    I agree with anon about therapy if you feel that you are 'emotionally damaged' from the miscarriages.  If only to come to terms with what you have gone through and to make sure you are emotionally healthy for adopting. 

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:28 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • Why can't you get the felonies expunged? You could also use a surragoate, or do a foreign adoption, or check and see if you can foster to adopt in your state, there should be a way to get the felonies reduced after this amount of time.
    On a side note, how do you manufacture pot? Just curious?
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:36 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • please go to miscarriage and pregnancy loss support and ask how many of those ladies feel emotionally damaged because of recurrent miscarriage. I have no surviving children and I have been trying for 9 years. Its bad enough that the entire pregnancy you just know it can and probably will all end any day and it will all be for nothing. Imagine seeing your baby grow for a couple months and seeing a good healthy heartbeat, having the US tech tell you its a viable fetus everything looks great then all of a sudden its gone the next day. I even had one doctor ask me if I went home and took any medications because the baby looked great when he saw it on ultrasound the day before... Then imagine that happening three times. Having everyone tell you what a great mom your gonna be when you announce your pregnant then having to tell everyone the baby has died a couple days later. Yes miscarriage can be emotionally damaging
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:36 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

  • Go see a Reproductive Specialist instead of an OBGYN.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:48 AM on Nov. 1, 2013

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