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6 year old liar.

My 6 year old has all of the sudden become the biggest liar! She lies all the time about every little thing. She has been corrected. I have explained to her why she should tell the truth. We have read stories about people not being able to believe those to lie all the time... yet it continues. She holds fast to her lies to! This morning it was crying and pitching a fit when I asked her to wear her brown shoes that matched her out fit. She was carrying on all the way to school how her teacher had told her she had to wear her black shoes today. Then she got home from school saying that her teacher had not allowed them to go to lunch and she had not eaten all day. Tonight it was that Daddy ( who is at work now ) had told her she could stay up as late as she wants.

This is the one that really makes me hot though:
she and her friend were sitting on her bathroom counter. she was sitting beside the medicine cabinet and he friend was beside her. He other friend was standing in the door way. she has smeared lotion all over the medicine cabinet mirror. I told her she was going to have to clean it up and she said she did not do it. I told her she was the one on the counter... and before I could get the rest of my thought out of my mouth ( beside the mirror with lotion in your hands ) she points in her friends face and says "C. is sitting up here to! He did it not me! I saw him!" All the while her friends were saying she had dome it, which was obvious. So not only did she lie about having not done it but she also threw her friend under the bus to get away with it.

What other way can I handle this. Talking to her about it and punishing the behavior is not getting the point across.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Nov. 4, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (12)
  • I had one who did this. The way I solved the problem was to disbelieve every single thing she told me. Every day, no matter what she said, I'd reply "I don't believe you. You never tell the truth so I don't believe anything you say". After about five days she was so exasperated that she started changing her tune. Lying is a habit. You have to break the habit just like you would any other.
    Daigen

    Answer by Daigen at 7:52 PM on Nov. 4, 2013

  • Lying is normal fo kids and at different ages, they lie for different reasons.


    here are a couple links for you- explains WHY and what to do about it


    http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-a-child-lies/0004855


    http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/lying.html


    http://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-lie-age-by-age

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:16 PM on Nov. 4, 2013

  • Every day, no matter what she said, I'd reply "I don't believe you. You never tell the truth so I don't believe anything you say

    Lol that's a good idea I might have to use that. I have a fibber too but it's usually about make believe things not serious stuff.
    skinnyslokita

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 9:04 PM on Nov. 4, 2013

  • While many children lie at some stage in their life, it is still a bad habit that needs to be broken. I think the above idea about not believing anything she says might get the point across. I did something similar with my boys. When they asked to do something like go to a friends, have friends over, play outside, stay at Grandmas, etc. I'd tell them "No. I can't trust you. You lie to me, and that makes you untrustworthy, so you have to stay here". They figured it out pretty soon.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 10:09 PM on Nov. 4, 2013

  • I would want to know why she lies. Have you asked her why she feels she can't tell the truth? Any bad behavior is evidence of a deeper problem. That's what needs to be fixed.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:07 AM on Nov. 5, 2013

  • My 3 year old lies (well I call it making up stories). We have already had a long conversation about how makin up stories can hurt someone. She was mad at one of her daycare teachers and told me the woman hit her (not true at all, they have cameras and it was her favorite teacher ever). Turns out she was mad because the teacher took her plate away after she threw her food on the floor. In the car she poked herself in the eye and told me her brother just hit her, it was only the two of us in the car. Same thing with her dad, she asks him to tickle her then comes and tells me he hit her belly. She is learning because daddy won't tickle her or wrestle with her anymore. Plus we tell her we think she is making up stories whenever she tells is someone hurt her (since that seems to be what all her lies are about). Hasn't done it in almost a month.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 7:11 PM on Nov. 5, 2013

  • I think a constructive way to respond to lying is to focus on creating the conditions that allow truthfulness. Address the causes by creating/increasing safety in the situation.

    In the first situation with the brown shoes, it sounds like she was feeling powerless & resorting to anything that might possibly work to make things come out the way she wanted. Wishful thinking along the lines of if a teacher said she had to wear the black ones, Mom may have to let me! Since she was carrying on during the ride to school, long after any reasonable hope of changing shoes was alive, she may have been stuck/hung up. Just responding (initially) to her desire rather than arguing or reasoning with her could help reduce that frustration & the powerlessness driving the lying strategy. Just acknowledge that she wants the black ones but you're insisting on the brown (don't justify your preference.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:47 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • On the insistence that she hadn't eaten all day, some reflective listening (rather than going right to the veracity of the claim) might help to reveal the emotional drive FOR the tall tale. Does it reflect victim feelings or frustrations at school, or is it maybe more about trying to force attention & sympathy from you (creating conditions you'll HAVE to be upset about or sympathize with her about)? Again, creating the conditions that make that behavior (making up stories about what happened, how she was mistreated or unfairly dealt with) unnecessary would be my goal. Notice the payoff you think she is seeking (care, attention, sympathy, etc.) and consider how you can make these things available to her WITHOUT the "need" to contrive to get them. The start, I believe, is to notice the need (and meet it) rather than focusing on trying to discourage the undesirable behavior. (See it, instead, as a strategy to meet needs.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:52 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • The lie about what Daddy said she could do sounds like wishful thinking, hoping again that she can force the outcome she desires. Recognize that this is what is driving the behavior, and that it's not a horrible thing (wanting to be able to stay up even though Mom says it's bedtime.) It is wishful thinking and No, you don't want her to feel like she "has" to lie in order to get her way, but the way to get to that better/more mature place is by responding constructively to what IS happening now. Think in terms of "translating" her communication, and acknowledging the feelings being communicated. Instead of "addressing" the lying behavior, recognize what she's feeling & acknowledge, "You really don't feel like heading to bed right now, do you?" Or "You really wish you could stay up, huh?" Acknowledge how that would be really great, and you can see why she'd want that. Convey that empathy & hold your limit.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:54 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • The lying to stay out of trouble or avoid consequences is pathetic but it is what it is! A scared kid will behave in ways that reflect the stress she feels, and reflect her wish to escape if possible. My suggestion in that situation (and I think it's good that you didn't "ask" a question of who did it when you already knew the answer, and simply told her she'd have to clean it up) is NOT to engage on the level of validity or truth when she says "But I didn't do it!" Instead, recognize that it's a form of wishful thinking, that it's impulsive & it's happening on the level of fight/flight survival reflexes--saying whatever is necessary to avoid an anxiety-triggering situation & shame. When you engage with logical reasoning, you reinforce the strategy & make it a case for debating, which triggers her impulse to win & to stick with her story to the bitter end (and she argues very logically that her friend also was on the counter!)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:09 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

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