Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I recently broke up with my significant other of 7 months

I thought we had all the love we needed. But there was a lot of shit going on, on his end, including opiate abuse, losing his job, house and kids. I was getting the grunt of this, and so he lost his girlfriend too.
I was just wondering what you think of this situation, if you think I am weak for leaving, or strong because some women think I should have stood strong during his emotional abuse, and stick by my man since I said I would never leave him.
I on the other hand think that I should be free of this drama and ask him to come back to me when he is all better.
Also, the way in which it happened is appalling. I didn't even put too much thought into it, I didn't realize we were ending things at the moment, all I knew is that I was physically leaving. What happened was, he was a total jerk/used me for about 5 days after I just was living with him (he moved to his moms house since lost everything--I moved my whole life to move up there with him 9 hours north of our previous home). Anyway, we drove to see his kids but I did not feel safe, he was driving like a mad man, upset that his mom was accusing him of drug abuse...he was yelling at me and everyone around him for whatever reason. So, we get home after this long journey of seeing his kids (9 hours up, 9 hours back) and he leaves right when we get home. Its 10pm when we get home. I packed my shit in 10 minutes while he was out and left. I left in the middle of the night without saying bye just to drive another 9 hours to go HOME.
I'm sad obviously because I still love him, but I did what I did to be safe. Now Im wondering, even though Im not talking to him anymore (its been a week) I still want to sleep with his belongings such as his blanket, and I still look at his pictures and fantasize of him sexually. I have not acted on these impulses, but I do want to. Men even want me and I want nothing to do with them.
How could I have left the relationship better? Is it horrible what I did? Am I a quitter? Did I give up on him? Does he realize that I still love him? Did I hurt him insurmountably? Does he need me? Am I a total bitch? if you had a man who was treating you badly, would you up and leave, or say your piece and then go? Please be nice, thank you

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Nov. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • You lost me in the first sentence... further losing me on the second. In the first sentence you sound like an immature child. Secondly, stop at the word opiate.... Done, gone, outta there.... Bye bye
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 5:39 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Love is not all you need-first sentence.
    opiate abuse, losing his job, house and kids-second sentence.
    All happened within last few months.
    Well I suppose your saying that DUH I did the right thing.
    So thanks, I like it because one friend of mine said I should have stayed (?)
    Ps please be nice
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:50 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • He was a boyfriend not a SO, of course you should let your children be around a herion, or whatever addict.
    I think you need to choose your next boyfriend more wisely, and if you get back with him, you are as bad as he is.
    Trying to be nice, but an addict needs a fix, you on the other hand need a brain exam if you even consider going back.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:56 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • You didn't do the wrong thing. You saw the warning signs and they were huge red flags. He is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. He obviously doesn't handle stress well and he was using you to take out his frustration. Be sad and grieve the end of the relationship, and then let go and move on.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 5:59 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Never tell a SO you will never leave him. I think you did the right thing
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:12 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Get over him. If he sobers up and wants you back he will call. I think there was a horrid lack of communication here. Oh well.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:22 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • THANK YOU
    if you had a man who was treating you badly, would you up and leave, or say your piece and then go?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:23 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • I wouldn't bother saying my piece until he was willing to hear it. In his rage, all you can count on is that your words will further stress him and thus make him more aggressive. Leaving without a word was the right thing to do. If he calls you, tell him your piece and let him go. He has shown you who he is. If you were to be married and have kids and shit hit the fan, would you want to be stuck with this? Torn about splitting up your family?
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:35 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Would I try to talk to an abuser who is on drugs...no
    Why would I , you can not communicate with a person on drugs, all you will do is talk to the drug


    Of course you leave
    Saying your piece...not even in the equation

    Do not look back
    And IMO, stop snuggling up with his blanket, that is weird and needy
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:11 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • lol ok!! I haven't snuggled his blanket yet, it does sound a bit desperate. That's why I ask. Pathetic of me to even think of such a thing. Ok I wont. GUH time elapse hurry already!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.