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Would you bring it to her attention?

My dd10 has a classmate who comes over early in the morning bc her mom asked me if it was ok she can bring her dd over to walk with my dd to school bc the mother did not want to leave her dd11 at school alone in the dark.

At first it was ok and understanding I would not want to leave my dd in the dark at school either but now that we changed our time (daylight savings time) it is no longer dark actually it is very light. (Like it used to be for the girl before she met my dd)

Well my dh hinted to the little girl one morning and said...well I guess you won't have to be getting up extra early now that's it light outside. (Not being rude or anything he was just talking)...well it's been a week and the mother IS still bringing her by.

I don't mind but my dd doesn't get to sleep as long as she used to, to greet her friend at the door.
I don't want to seem rude if I do mention it. :/
Thx! Ladies...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Nov. 6, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • I don't quite understand, but are you home to greet the child? Then your child could sleep as she used to.

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:06 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • No I am not I have to leave before my dd10 even gets up but my dh is home.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • as a friend/neighbor I would make my kid get up a bit earlier if it meant a kid was safer by being at my house and not alone at a stop or school light or dark

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 8:15 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • There isn't an easy escape route (or rather, comfortable) for this because you set it up as being okay. I sympathize completely as my neighbor did the same thing with his older son (wanting my kids and his to ride the bus together). Thing is, I drive every day and the bus stop is not safe (I called to have it changed but no luck). We ended up talking to the dad and explaining that it couldn't be a long term commitment on our part to make sure their kid got to school. We said that many days we walk but it's weather dependent or if someone in the house is sick, etc. Eventually, he got the hint and put his kid on the bus (which is what he should have done to begin with). We don't even know them or play with them, it was odd and annoyed me. He's a stock broker so he's out of the house early and so is the mother. Not my problem!

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:17 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Thank you jeanclaudia for your answer...I just want it to be like it used to be.
    The good thing for these girls is they walk together to school and eat breakfast but my dd10 is losing another friend bc of this girl bc my dd used to walk with her other friend and my dd 2nd friend I see long jealous now (I noticed) nou to. Eating I feel like we (my dd & I) are being used 1. The mother doesn't even realize it. 2. My dd is telling me that this girl likes a boy in school and he is there in the mornings too for breakfast. :/
    I don't like being used even though Am doing her a favor. The school is not far at all 1 block...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:25 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • If you want to revisit the arrangement or reassess things, I think it is something you need to address with the mother. Don't hope or expect that "hinting" to the child will accomplish what you want.

    I think it's a case where you figure out what you want by weighing things for yourself. Then you own your preferences & feelings and communicate directly with the other parent. You run the risk of disappointing the person, or appearing this or that way to her (she may make a negative judgment about you or be upset), but that possibility is part of what you weigh! If you decide that possibility is too unpleasant to tolerate, then you continue as-is but recognize that it's your choice, given the alternatives. If you really do this, then you recognize your freedom & choice in the situation, and you won't feel resentment. We feel resentful when we feel trapped, like someone is "making" us do something we don't want to do.

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:07 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • If you do not want her to come and walk with your dd just say so. Your DD is getting the same hours of sleep that she did when it was still dark though.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:47 PM on Nov. 6, 2013

  • Was it ever specifically said that this arrangement was only for while it was dark in the mornings? That when it became light out again, the deal would be done? If not, then neither mother nor daughter are wrong, because you didn't specify that.

    However, if you really feel it's not a good fit for you, then just explain to the mother that while you want to help her out, the arrangement simply does not work for you and your family. Personally, while I'm all for keeping kids safe, I'm not willing to take responsibility for someone else's child every day like that. As a now and then, in a pinch kind of thing, or as a short term situation, I would, but not every day.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:28 AM on Nov. 7, 2013

  • What happens if you child is sick & isn't going to school that day? You should just talk to the neighbor & let them know you will be willing to do it on bad weather days only, until the time changes again in the Spring.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:30 AM on Nov. 7, 2013

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