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Need advice on moving in with boyfriend.. single mom

Hello ladies, I need advice in moving in with my bf. We have been together for almost 2 years and are looking at places. My fear is he will not commit anytime soon (my opinion of commitment is a ring). I even asked him last night where he sees himself in 5 years and he never mentioned the marriage word. I need help ASAP. I have a 6 year old and I'm scared to make another mistake (divorced previously)

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atv79

Asked by atv79 at 5:33 PM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • You need to be honest with your boyfriend. tell him how you feel and that you arent trying to pressure him into marriage or anything but you have a child. everything that you do affects your child and if the relationship is going nowhere then you would like to know. JMO
    or maybe you should have him move in with you (if its an option) so if it does go nowhere then you wont have to move your child twice
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 5:36 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I think you should ask him if he sees himself settling down with you. You can't be afraid to talk to him or it will never work. If he says yes but not right now, at least you know he's open to the idea. If he's mature and really loves you he will have no problem discussing the "marriage" word with you.
    sidzwif

    Answer by sidzwif at 5:36 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • I swore to myself after my divorce I would never live with a man again without being married. I didn't keep that promise to myself and now five years later with SO no ring on my finger. We have problems, I think of leaving all the time but I worry about how this will affect my six year old. I kind of feel stuck. I would hate for you to feel this way so really think about your decision.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • i am just guessing but if he didnt even mention the marriage word then he probably is not thinking of that as a plan. how old is he and how old r u? that makes a difference to what u cn expect his level of maturity to b. if u do move in with him it will b even harder to discuss the m word as u will b afraid he will kickku and yr son out or argue or whatever. it is best to at the very least have an open and frank decision first and have a plan so u r not surprised or hoping for something he cs himself as not doing anytime soon. if he is mature he will have no problem discussing it with u as sidzwif said. it is always better to get it out in the open first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • My boyfriend and I are getting to that exact same spot in our relationship. He will be buying a house in a few months and mentioned in passing that when that happens, he'd like me to move in with him. I intend to ask him when the time comes how he sees us in the future with marriage being the idea of "us." We are over 50 and things are different for older people. But I want to be married and I will find out his intentions before moving in with him. If he never wants to marry again (he was badly burned by his ex) that will definitely affect my decision. I love him very and can't imagine life without him. But I need to know and will find out. You need to ask him again directly. Don't move in with him without asking this question.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:20 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • OP--
    If your idea of a commitment is an engagement ring, then I think you owe it to yourself and your son to stand firm!!! If your boyfriend is really ready to make a lifelong commitment to you and your son, he won't mind discussing this subject with you, buying you a ring AND setting a date! You would thin he would WANT to show his intent--especially considering your past relationship. Demand it for your son's sake, if not your own.

    I had lived with a man I was "indefinitely" engaged to (ring, no wedding date), before I left, and soon thereafter met my now husband! I didn't move in with my husband until 1 month before our wedding day--and it was only because I was able to sell my condo, that I did so--otherwise, I would have waited until after I was married.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:06 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Why does a ring=commitment for you? If he has been faithful and it was his idea for you two to move in together then thats a big sign that hes in it for the long haul. Especially if you are worried because of a previous divorce (ring did not equal comitment in that case)...why would you be so quick to get married again? It would seem like less pressure for things to work out...

    That being said....have you guys even discussed the subject of mariage? Just because he didn't mention the word doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. Maybe he just assumes you will be together because he wants to be with you in 5 yrs (20 yrs, etc). Or maybe he knows you are nervous about the possiblity of divorce/getting hurt again and HE doesn't want to rush YOU....?
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:02 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • If your scared then your sences are telling you no.Do not be afraid of it inbrace it and be thankful that you are smart enough to recognize it.You do have a child and if he does not commit completely then hes not the one.Moving on is scary I get it theres this cramping in your stomach and it hurts to thinkn that you have wasted so much of your time,but now youll live with him and than what getting in a realtionship is easier than getting out.Than your son becomes attached to this person more and then it is now his issue.be brave be smart and stick to your ethics.
    weresthelove

    Answer by weresthelove at 11:00 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Please, please, please, do not move in with him until he marries you!!!! If he doesn't see you in his future that you asked him about, "he's just not that into you". He is interested in having sex with you, but not commiting to you. Protect yourself and your child, don't move in!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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