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I have seven children from 19-4years old they do not clean or cook without me raising my voice or nagging them. Is there an easier way to get them to clean or am I expecting too much out of them?

I had brain surgery about 2-3 weeks ago, I am unable to work for about two months. Im suppose to rest and do light work at home. My 19 year old is a fulltime student in college and working full time. my 18 year old moved out because he was upset about the cleaning and his responsibilities-he works parttime and goes to college full time. My 16 year old is in highschool and is a cheerleader. she comes home around 6pm. and doesn't clean just complains about cooking. My 15 year old son picks up his younger siblings and when he get home he plays halo all day and doesn't do his homework until night time and he complains that he has to clean everyday! My younger three are more reliable with their cleaning because their father(who does not live with us) speaks to them about cleaning and not following in their older footsteps. But I still have to repeat myself to them about their chores,my voice is low and hoarse since surgery.

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Asked by confusedhome at 1:28 PM on Nov. 8, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Shame on your 19 year old and your 16 year old and your 15 year old. Time to cut out cheerleading and halo. The oldest well. Help or find another place to live rent free and chore free.
    I had to raise my voice often enough but the oldest should be stepping up to the plate and helping without too much prompting. I think we tend to coddle our children though and when it comes to crunch time they have not learned that thy need to do things without duress.

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:36 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • I think you're expecting a lot from them. They should pitch in and help but it sounds like they all have full time school and work responsibilities. Crock pot meals are easy and would be something you could do in the morning since you say your doctors are okay with light work at home. You probably need to get used to the fact that the house isn't going to be perfect while you're recovering and lower your expectations a little.

    Answer by Daigen at 1:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • Everyone picks up their own mess. You shouldn't have to yell, but the older ones are capable of throwing in laundry, and I am sure that even in your condition you could fold it, put in laundry baskets and tell them to put it away.
    You shouldn't yell, you should take away things when they don't do what they need to.
    I assume you will be back to Mommy mode shortly? If not, long term I think you had better think about getting a housekeeper to do the things like scrubbing the bathrooms mopping the floor etc. Going to school and having (whatever) is the same as a full time job, and it is unfair to expect children to do everything a parent would do.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 2:15 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • stop feeding them, they'll learn

    Answer by NotPanicking at 3:09 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • I would stop yelling and nagging and call a family meeting with the father to discuss how everyone needs to help out in the home until you are feeling better.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:12 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • They really are just like cats NP. As long as she keeps feeding them, they'll never leave...


    Answer by m-avi at 3:52 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

  • I agree with the family meeting idea, especially if there's a way to get the older ones on board as positive team players instead of by nagging, coercion, and yelling. Tell them how much you need their support in this time of healing for you, and how valuable their help will be. Give them practical, concrete things they can do each day. Make a list or a chart so they can check off what they need to do, and they know exactly what needs to happen. The day will go more smoothly that way, instead of having controlled chaos, with everybody running around between work, school, cheerleading, etc. Homework before video games, period. Have meetings often, no yelling aloud, communicate about the positive aspects of what is going on, two praises for every complaint. Sometimes it's so easy to nag that we forget to say thank-you. This crisis could turn into a real bonding time for your family.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:55 PM on Nov. 8, 2013

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