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Hmm... what do you think?

so my ex informed me last night at 11 pm that he can't take our girls this weekend because 'something came up'. it's his weekend to have them and i put them to bed early on purpose because originally he wanted me to bring them at 9 am so i wanted them to get up early and eat breakfast before we left. so once again the burden fell on me to explain to them that they can't see daddy this weekend... ugh! anyway i have a feeling he will ask for them NEXT weekend... which is actually MY weekend. i have our weekends marked off on the calendar. i don't want to change them because it screws up future plans ive made for weekends that ill have them. what would you do? let him have them on your weekend just because he changed his mind at the last minute on what was supposed to be his weekend? or keep the schedule the way it's suppose to be and send them two weekends from this one? and yes this is documented.

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tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 7:46 AM on Nov. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • When my ex used to come see the kids, I had a very simple rule, and made it very clear to him (he only had supervised visits at my house, though): If it's your time to visit, and I need to cancel (which I did exactly once, because of a death in the family), I will allow you to come the following weekend to make up for it, since I am the one who canceled. But if YOU choose to skip, cancel, or show up more than 1 hour late for your visit, I will NOT reschedule into my time with them to suit you.

    As he got progressively worse about showing up, I kept track of every time he didn't show, showed up late, called and canceled, whatever. It never came to going to court over it, but I was fully prepared to hand the judge my record of how pathetic he was being so that the judge would realize that I was not the problem.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:58 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • Oh, I also made it a point to send him an email that would say, "This is just confirming that you (didn't show up/called and canceled/arrived 45 minutes late) for your visit. If you disagree, please reply with your version of what happened." Dumb ass didn't even realize I was getting more documentation for court, because he never disputed, always just responded with, "Yes, I know." so I not only had my records, but I had his own words confirming that my documentation was accurate.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:00 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • I would have informed him that he needs to schedule around his weekends. And that he can come get them on his next scheduled weekend.   If he sakes why he can't have them next weekend. Tell him you have plan. He doesn't need to know what the plans are.  And that is your weekend.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:05 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • luckily there is written proof because he told me via facebook message that "something came up" and he can't take them this weekend.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:07 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • i find it so ridiculous too because my mom ran into his mom *YESTERDAY EVENING* and his mom was going on and on about being excited to have the girls this weekend (she is the court ordered supervisor) and telling my mom about a fall festival they were going to go to. but then suddenly a few hours later something "comes up" on his end? total BS.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:08 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • if you give him an inch he takes a mile

    been there- i would not start to rearrange your schedule for his last minute - i cancel stuff
    you have plans- period

    great you are keeping records because - i have been there too
    and this DOES hold weight with the g.a.l. and the judge- it did with my judge

    when he cancels (through fb or text)- write back the date he next has them in your reply

    enjoy your plans and your life, can not change your life for his failings

    sorry your kids have to go through this (best i can say about this is , at least they have the two of them to talk about it, and they will depending on age) mine only child, has expressed feeling on her dad not showing up (been a YEAR now;), years back when he would cancel at last minute, or better yet, just no show up while she waited at window- very hard to explain to her why

    hugs
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • I would not give them to him your weekend, tell him he blew his weekend, now he has to wait....
    older

    Answer by older at 8:53 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • if my ex missed a weekend due to work or illness I would reschedule if he did it for a just because, he missed his weekend, don't let him off the hook like that, make him wait until his next scheduled weekend.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 9:09 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • Unless you have already made definite plans for next weekend, tell him he can have them, but that will mean taking them 2 wkends in a row. Let him know that you are not switching weekends, just doing him a favor for one time. Otherwise he has to wait til it's his turn again. That's one thing that used to drive me crazy when my boys were younger. I can't tell you how many times he messed up plans my husb & I made when we thought we'd have a kids-free weekend. Not to mention the disappointment for the kids. Isn't it a nice luxury to be able to pick & choose when it's convenient to parent?! Ugh!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:09 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

  • I think you should just keep your weekend for two reasons: It's your weekend and as you said future plans will be affected. Also, it will reinforce that his weekends are his. If he squanders them he can't rely on grabbing your weekends.
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:55 AM on Nov. 9, 2013

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