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2 Bumps

Don't you think I have a very good reason to be upset? **edited**

This is concerning my SIL. Anyway, my dd's b-day was Tuesday the 5th and she just turned 5. I have been with my husband for 12 yrs. And EVERY YEAR we always were there for my dh's niece hanna, and sent b-days cards etc. Well is is the message she sent me today. ...

"Hi guys. We were going to try and make it over this weekend to drop off a birthday gift for Marisa. At this point, we don't think we are going to make it...busy weekend and still lots to do! We will catch up with her soon. Hanna's 18th is coming up in a couple of weeks. Will let you know if we plan anything special...."

Like she and my BIL and Hanna couldn't take 1/2 out of their fucking day to at least drop something off. Its one thing to never send me a b-day card, but its something else to do it my dd. Especially now that she understands what is going on. They only live like 15 min away!! I am more hurt right now than angry, although its getting to be a toss up! Then she has the nerve to let US know if they are planning something for her daughter?!?! Grrrrrrr

Then she sends me this message... ...

."Also...for Thanksgiving, we may just do what we've wanted to do for that holiday for many years, and that is get out of town for a long relaxing weekend! I have been working many, many hours per week since early summer and have not been able to take vacation time to go and do anything. We realized that we all will have a long weekend coming up where we might just be able to pull it off! So, not sure if we will be around for dinner after all. Will also let you guys know, once we decide for sure..."

This year it will just be me, my dd and my husband if they do not show up. Can't they just come over on turkey day and go on the "get a way" the next day??? There are so many responses I would love to give to her, but all they would do is add fuel to the embers.. Any suggestions? Should I leave well enough alone, and suck it up?? Right now I feel more like telling her to fuck off and and since she couldn't even come over to wish her niece a happy b-day why in the hell should we go there?? But I know I have to be the bigger person. But I sure would love to come up with a guilt trip response that would my mom proud.. I am really upset at the thought of them not coming over here for turkey day, and I know my husband is really upset at that thought, especially when saw his face when I gave him the news... 

 I have NO family, I am it, just me. No grandparents, no great grandparents, my mom passed 3 yrs ago, my dad passed 5 yrs ago.  My SIL and BIL are the closest to the word family I have. DD and DH are my world. Its all I have. 

My brother and sister live thousands of miles away. I haven't seen them for more then 3 yrs. Much less talk them very often. 

My DH dad passed away last year, his mom passed 6 yrs ago. My dh and my BIL are all the family they have. They have a few family members up north, haven't seen them in years. Well expect when my FIL died.  So thats why am wondering why they cannot at least do something together before they leave. And now its looking like the same thing is gonna happen at xmas also according to my dh. My BIL has vacation time for 2 weeks, and they are thinking on going on a cruise. 




Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:46 PM on Nov. 10, 2013 in Relationships

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (32)
  • You know, they are NOT obligated to your daughter or your family! One thing that drives me bat shit crazy is the guilt trips family tends to throw at all the members!
    Back the eff off, celebrate your daughters birthday w/o them as well as Thanksgiving!

    My son is in the Military, imagine how I feel NOT having him home for the Holidays!
    Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like an adult FFS!

    Answer by KTElite at 5:23 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, they want to avoid you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • Whoa! I think you need to calm down a bit. I am not sure if there is any back story to you and your SIL but it sounds like she has been working quite a bit and just wants to go on vacation on her days off over Thanksgiving. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If that is the only time she can take off then yes it sucks for you and your family, but she has her own family to think about as well. As far as ignoring your daughter's birthday, again it sucks and it may or may not be intentionally.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 4:54 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • I think you're a little TOO bent out of shape over this.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 4:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • yup just a bit of over upset there.

    First of all they have their immediate family, and they are allowed to go out of town on Holidays

    Second of all they could be busy and they have a child as well, just because someone cant make it to your kids party doesn't mean you should be pissed and not go to the other childs. At least she told you instead of no showing your party.

    I think people get wrapped up in keeping score as to who went where and did what, WHO CARES!


    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 5:07 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • Yeah... My first instinct was that maybe you are making it uncomfortable for them so they are trying to avoid you.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 4:56 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • You need to calm down. Who really ares about thanksgiving I haven't spent any holidays with my family in over 9 years. It's not the end of the world I promise. Why don't you and yours go on a staycation.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 4:57 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • MM, DH and I raised our boys with absolutely no family. When they were little I was a SAHM, our budget was extremely tight.
    We had NO family, just the four of us! That's all we've ever known. The family we do have never participated in giving or being part of our life.
    It is what it is and it's their loss because they weren't't around to see our boys grow up. It doesn't take much to make a child happy. Just knowing she has a loving mom and dad is HUGE!
    The gifts under the tree were skimpy at most, but we had our traditions of watching Christmas shows, hot choc., baking cookies for Santa and being thankful for what we received not what or how much they received.
    You can't depend on others to make you happy. You have to make yourself and your family happy.

    Answer by KTElite at 10:07 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • Idk , I never bothered to give two shits whether or not family cares to hang out with us. And personally, since we live 8 hours away from all of my family, I quite enjoy having our own quiet little celebrations for bdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Also, now that my oldest is in college, we really value our time together. If your niece is almost 18, maybe they are busy with senior year stuff, and are also realizing that their time together as a family is now more valuable now that your niece is getting older. Maybe for Thanksgiving they want some time together with just them.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 5:42 PM on Nov. 10, 2013

  • Don't you think I have a very good damn reason to be pissed off???

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2013