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Do you support your adult child? (money wise)

If so does it stop... especially if the child is working short hours and going to community college PT but yet you hear he/she spends their money being on the internet buying stuff.

Which there is nothing wrong if that is what they want to do with their money.

But then turns around and ask for money to pay for their CC they have never once showed us any type of prove of grades or anything (oh maybe once) but on a regular basis...no it would be nice to keep it a steady flow if not I do not want to just give them money just bc they are our child.
When will they ever learn responsibility if we keep forking out the bill.
Thanks ladies!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Nov. 12, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • We allow our boys to live at home rent free, utilities and food free.....as long as they are going to school full time and getting good grades. We do NOT pay for their car, phone, CC's, dates, gas, etc. those are their bills.


    If they don't go to school full time they must make a financial contribution, determined by their dad and me.


    The idea is to help them get a good start in life, not to make them dependant on us!!

    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:28 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • My son seems to have gotten his shit together. He is working full time (I drive him), but he lives with his dad. He gives me $20 a week for gas, and $25/week for his phone. I believe he is paying his dad $25/week rent.
    I told him when he gets himself a car and insurance, I will help him out if he needs a little money down, etc, but I'm not paying it for him.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:44 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • No, I don't pay for anything for my adult dd. she's 19, has her own home, works full time & goes to school.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 12:49 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • I help my youngest son with his orthodontia bill, and occasional gas money. He is in college full time and works full time in the summers as a range forest fire fighter. My other two I have helped out now and then if my grandsons need something unexpected or just to give them a boost now and then. But they are self sufficient most of the time. My parents helped my a lot when I was a single mom, so I have no problem helping my kids... but I don't support them, nor would I.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:58 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • My middle son is in & out of school (currently off this semester) & works 2 PT jobs. He pays for his own gas, insurance & cell phone, plus pays us $25/wk for rent. If he needed money from us for misc. expenses like that, we don't have it to give. Even if we did, we wouldn't, b/c I don't believe it teaches them how to be self sufficient & carefully budget their money. The whole idea is to prepare them for the real world. If they know that mom & dad will come bail them out when they make poor decisions, then that teaches them nothing.
    I would insist on seeing their grades & putting them on a budget that includes some type of rent or contribution toward food.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:36 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • I would allow my child to live at home and go to school, if they are overspending on CC's I would steer them towards paying them off and ripping them up.
    I would not give extra money to an adult that is buying too much. I would counsel them to stop, there is a difference between enable and able.
    If they are able to work, and pay for things they should, you shouldn't enable them by doing so for them, but there is nothing wrong with allwoing them to be able to go to college, and live at home.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 1:51 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Helping my daughter some now- because she can't seem to get any loan money...they tell her we make too much, and when she started-was told she could get enough to survive on. Found out the hard way a year and a half into this...and sadly- hubby is going to make more this year which means even less for her.
    The worst part is that we helped her move closer to school over the summer- and now THANK the Gods she has a boyfriend living with her -or she would have an eviction on her record and be living with us again and trying to drive almost an hour each way to school every day in a car that has close to 100,000 miles on it

    they got engaged last week and are now moving the wedding up so that she can be free from our income counting -and she can actually GET loans and grants

    she talked to them yesterday about getting mroe and they told her that unless she got marrried- had a baby- or joined the military, she was out of luck
    ugh
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:11 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • She has looked for work- with no luck so far...
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:11 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Depends on what you want to do. If you want the adult child to stop asking for money. Just tell them you are not giving them any more money.
    But if you do not mind giving them money. But you want to see their grades. Just inform them you will not give them any money tell you see their grades. Then the money is based off of the grades have.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:48 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • I am assuming your use of CC meant community college, not credit cards? The issue is that your child asks for money "to pay for community college" after spending his/her own money online, but you haven't seen grades or proof of enrollment since early on?

    I think it's important to take responsibility for your own feelings, where money & support are concerned with a grown child. If you're feeling resentful or misused, it's a sign you aren't honoring your limits. Since you feel stuck or trapped coming up with the money for courses because your child doesn't have the funds when the tuition is due but you don't want him/her dropping out, respond to those feelings by addressing the situation. Let him/her know that you've paid because you wanted to help, but this isn't the way you want things to go. Lay out your issue & your expectation. Clarify that you don't want them to spend on fun as if they don't NEED to cover their expenses.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:46 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

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