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How do I control my defiant 3 year old?

My daughter is turning 3 in a week. I am having an extremely hard time controlling her. She doesn't do anything she is asked (refuses to pick up toys, eat meals, and everything in between) We've tried time out but she keeps sliding out of the chair and fighting back. And today she was being disobedient and she looks at me and says, "Spank me then" I'm getting really frustrated and losing control. I can't seem to get control over my 3 year old.

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Asked by Immesc02 at 3:56 PM on Nov. 12, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • When a 3 year old says that to you, you give her what she wants... You BEAT her ass.

    I betcha she won't ask for that again.

    Answer by m-avi at 3:58 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • And might I add that when your 3 year old says this to you, it's very, very sad. She is already walking all over you. Man up.

    Answer by m-avi at 3:59 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • If she won't pick up her toys- you do it. But you bag them & store them away until she earns them back. If she won't eat, she goes hungry. Wrap up the meal & heat it up for her the next time you are serving. If she talks back, she stays in time out (3 mins.) and you tell her why she is there. If she gets up before her time is up, it starts all over again. Be consistent & be firm, or you will really have your hands full. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:12 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Those are spanking words and I rarely spank.

    Control sounds too much like you need absolute power. No wonder she's walking all over you. Realize you aren't going to have complete control over a toddler.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 4:18 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Does she get enough one on one time with each adult in the family? Lots of times kids go for negative attention if they do not get enough positive attention. Make her your helper in everything and anything that you do. Heap on the praise when she does something right. This can go a long way to show her she is valued and lessen the disobedience. Be clear what is, and is not, allowed. If time out works with her, then put her back in the spot over and over and over. No talking, no anger. Be matter of fact. But time out doesn't work for all kids. Read to her often and cuddle a lot. GL

    Answer by silverthreads at 4:25 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • She doesn't do anything she is asked

    you are asking her
    or telling her?

    if you say..." can you please pick up your toys"
    you gave her an option

    tell her
    "pick up your toys"
    but be more specific
    " take your play dough and put it in the drawer now"

    you can place options on this
    " take your..." "or we will not go outside"

    you can do the first this then that
    " first, put your..." "then we can play dolls"
    if she complies, you can reward with praise

    do not use please, do not ask nicely
    after she can follow for a few weeks, you can slowly make softer
    but first you need to nip that attitude in the bud

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:16 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Oh, my. You have a spitfire on your hands. When I was that age, we were stubborn. My children were strong-willed. I believe your child is high-spirited. Doesn't matter what you call it because it all means the same thing. She is wrestling for her independence, and she thinks she can take you. You need to learn how to guide her correctly. She needs to learn to obey you and Dad; she needs to understand that those in authority should be respected; and she needs to learn to respect herself. You are her teacher.

    Visit Amazon tonight. Purchase two books: Kevin Leman's "How to Have a New Kid by Friday" (changed my life) and James Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child" (full of great advice). Also purchase "The Wonder of Girls", if you can. It's great for showing what girls need from their parents.

    You are not alone. Both my kids are very similar. This, too, shall pass.

    Answer by May-20 at 5:49 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • If you find out please share the answer. I must say my daughter has never said that to me, but she has said things along those lines. I give her choices, like "you don't have to eat your vegetables but them you won't get dessert like your brother", or "if you don't want to follow the rules you can go sit in your room" (without any toys or enjoyment). Those things have improved her behavior but she is still 3 going on 16. She stomps, slams doors, fights with me until she is blue in the face. Those days I have learned that putting her in her room and ignoring her fixes the issue (when she is getting any reaction or attention out of me the behavior stops), I tell her she can come out when she is ready act like she belongs with the rest of the family.

    Answer by AF4life at 6:43 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • The few times that she does continue the tantrums or what have you, in her room she stays in there for longer. If she continues for 30 minutes she stays for that long (doesn't happen often, she just needs that time to cool off alone).

    Answer by AF4life at 6:45 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • You make the rules and the consequences,. You enforce them,. You say time out you march her to the time out station. You make sure sje stays there. If that means standing and watching. Fine. If it means "reading and magazine" ok too. The second her body is not exactly where it is supposed to be. You reinforce it and put her right back, If necessary you pick her up and put her down. I often thought of duct tap. I actually have a roll tacked to the wall in a prominent place,

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:24 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

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